There is a reason why parents instruct their children to “stick it out,” to “never give up”, to “keep at it.” Endurance is an important skill, and frankly, kids have a tendency to quit things for less-than-legitimate reasons. Case in point, when I was eight-years-old, I remember desperately wanting to quit softball because my uniform was itchy (FYI, in case you’re wondering, that’s not the best justification for abandoning a softball team midseason).
We spend so much of our lives learning how to keep our commitments, but we are often ill prepared to know when it’s okay to quit. On a very basic level, we are taught that persistence means success and quitting means failure. We are taught that moving forward is progress and stopping is defeat. The truth, however, is a bit more nuanced.
Whether it’s a job, a relationship, a project – whatever it is, there are perfectly valid reasons for why you may want to quit. In fact, perhaps we should throw out this notion that quitting is an entirely bad thing. We aren’t kids anymore. We aren’t eight-year-olds grumbling about our itchy softball uniforms. We are adults, people with a wealth of experience, and if we have an instinct to withdraw, it’s likely that it’s for a good reason.
Of course, there are no hard-and-fast rules. It varies from situation-to-situation, person-to-person. But if you are thinking about moving on, particularly in your job or your professional path, here are a few ways of knowing when it’s okay to quit.
You just don’t care
Let’s set a clear distinction here between boredom and total, soul-crushing apathy. Boredom is a state that can be remedied by a simple shift in perspective – maybe a walk around the office, a brainstorming session, or even just a cup of coffee. Apathy, on the other hand, is far more deadly. It’s that inconsolable, painful state of disinterest. When your work feels totally void of meaning, it may mean that it’s time to find something new. That being said, it’s important to really evaluate the situation. Only you can decide whether you’re simply in a rut or past the point of no return.
You care way too much
This is otherwise known as “addiction.” Signs of addiction may be thinking obsessively about work, sacrificing time with family and friends, constantly checking your email, never feeling at rest, etc. If your life is completely overrun by work, perhaps it’s time to set some boundaries. This doesn’t necessarily mean quitting your job (though it could), but rather, quitting the idea that your value is dependent on how busy you are. It’s simply not.
The environment is toxic
Perhaps you’ve heard these famous words from motivational speaker Jim Rohn: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” In hearing this, it seems sensible to create a list of our closest friends and loved ones. But if you work a full-time job, the strong likelihood is that the five people with whom you spend the majority of your time may actually be your coworkers. If yours is a particularly negative work environment, then not only is your outlook being affected, but you are as well. Consider the people around you, and think about what can be done to improve the situation. If the answer is unequivocally nothing, then perhaps it’s time to leave.
You are totally out-of-place
This is that fish-out-of-water feeling. It’s that sensation of looking around the landscape of your office/industry and realizing that not only do you hate your job, but you wouldn’t want anyone else’s either. Not your boss’s job, not someone’s job in a different department – no one’s. When you are discontented professionally, there is always that hope that if you just push a bit harder, you will get to something good. But if you are on the wrong path altogether, then persistence likely won’t make much of a difference.
However, this is not the same as simply feeling uncomfortable. There are plenty of reasons why you might feel discomfort in your work, and not all of them mean that quitting is the answer. Again, it’s up to you to really decipher what is actually going on, whether you need to keep moving or whether you’ve got to get on a new path.
I love this and I totally agree with #1 and #3. I am a big fan of removing myself from anything toxic but I think a lot of people underestimate how bad total apathy can be for you and they end up staying in jobs or sticking with things that they just don’t care about at all.
Thanks so much for this post. I’ve been thinking about quitting my job for months now but I’m afraid because it looks like I’m taking a step (or several) backward. After a lot of thought I’ve realized I’m not in this field for any of the right reasons. You’ve given me the encouragement I’ve been needing. It’s not always bad to quit!
All of these are exactly how I feel about my work environment, except the second one. I wish I could just quit… but life had to get in the way of that.
Great post, Christy!
http://indianaheart.typepad.com/
This is a GREAT post! I quit my job a year ago when the stress of working for a boss that was too controlling (no one could do anything without being micromanaged – even the simplest tasks) was making me really sucks.
It was the best choice for my heatlh, but it’s been very tough finding FT work since.
When I was 9, my mom signed my sister and I up for baseball. I’m pretty sure we were the only girls in the entire league, and the boys were royal asshats (once, a boy made fun of me for crying. I later hit him in the face with a baseball, and he started crying. It was a League of their Own moment). We begged our parents to let us quit, but we had to stick it out. I don’t have many good memories of that LOOOOOONG summer, but I enjoy watching baseball now. 😉
Recently, I quit my job at a coffee shop. Even though I cared about my coworkers, all but one(sometimes two) of them were incredibly grumpy and stressed individuals. I didn’t feel like I could get my attitude the way it needed to be and I felt like I was always walking around on ice.
I got really sick of it and decided that there were much more positive ways to spend my time.
Kristin // athisfeetdaily.blogspot.com
This article is so wonderful. I have so many thoughts on quitting. The first thought, as is engrained in our culture, is NEVER QUIT! I was one of those kids who took everything under the sun from piano lessons to soccer to band to school clubs. If I committed to something, I stuck it out. It was hard, but I do believe it taught me a lot about pushing towards an end goal and perseverance.
Now, however, I’m in a toxic work environment and I’m not sure if there’s much I can do to change it. I love that quote, “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” When those people are negative, I walk away negative. That’s no way to spend a life.
Thank you so much for these thoughts!
Circus & Bloom
♥♥♥
This seriously came at the PERFECT time. Idk how you do it. I’m a college freshman right now, and I’ve been doing choir ever since elementary school and competitive swimming ever since middle school. I stuck it out with choir until the end of high school and with competitive swimming until the beginning of senior year (until college apps had been submitted haha).
I wasn’t sure if I had lost my interest in these activities or if it was just senioritis, so when I started college last semester, I decided to try them out again. Now it’s the beginning of my second semester of my freshman year of college, and I’ve been deciding whether or not I want to quit Chamber Singers and/or varsity swimming.
I decided to drop Chamber Singers, because I was always going to it wishing I didn’t have to, leaving as soon as we were dismissed, and felt like a fish out of water amongst the other singers. I’m planning to drop varsity swimming at the end of the season, because although the swim team members are the most supportive people I have on campus (and my best friends are on the swim team), but the coach is very manipulative and strains us not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally; the environment is toxic.
Having you articulate these reasons really makes me feel better about the decisions I made and I’m sure I’ll be using them again throughout life 🙂 Thank you! -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s
We just learned in church last night; TOO MUCH of a good and just thing isn’t expedient.
You did a wonderful job of explaining it 🙂 I agree, whole heartedly.
Thanks for the brilliant post! Having just quitted my first ever full time job at the end of last year, I have to say you totally spoke my mind out, especially #3 and #4! Although I still haven’t found another job, I spent quality time with my friends and family, went for a solo trip in Nepal and picked up a few new hobbies within these two months. Haven’t been feeling this fresh and happy for a while 🙂
Really, it’s not always bad to say “I quit”!
I quit work experience on Tuesday because I was practically doing nothing and I felt that I would rather be spending my time doing college work and keeping up my grades. I suppose it’s not so bad of a ‘quit’ but I still felt like a bit of a failure. This post came just at the right time! Thank you so much!
I quit my first full-time job out of college because the environment was incredibly toxic. I knew that sooner or later I was going to be fired on a whim (this was common, along with many other unprofessional behaviors), so I decided to quit on my own terms and seek a better environment. I’m much happier at my current job!
This is a wonderful article! I worked in Hollywood in the entertainment reporting sector, for many years. I realized that that environment was what was making me feel sad, so now I also run Jolvie.com, my own personal site about living a wonderful life. <3
This is so true. I wrote a a blog post about it recently too! Sometimes quitting is the best (and brave) choice. I have to carefully weigh when I want to quit because it’s challenging and uncomfortable but will benefit me and force me to grow versus when it’s just not right for me. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.
So very true! While working on my graduate degree I took a new job that I couldn’t wait to start. All through the interview process everyone was so nice, training was the same way. Then it was as if someone flipped a switch, they expected me to know everything about the company and I was actually yelled at by my boss in front of the entire office when I missed one thing. I was so horrible embarrassed. I didn’t want to quite and frankly I needed the money. I stuck it out a few more days but the horrible treatment continued, I walked into my bosses office a few days later and quit. It was the best decision, it led me to another job which I loved!
Great post! I actually recently quit my job for a new one because of apathy and feeling out of place. Even though I gained a lot of experience, the work and the atmosphere were just not for me in the long run. I had started feeling depressed at just the thought of going to work, and hated being around everyone there. For me, that’s when I knew I need to change jobs.
This makes me want to quit my job more than I already do. Christ.
http://insidesai.blogspot.co.uk/
tomorrow is my last day at my job. i quit. i quit because i’m going to travel! 🙂 i’m happy i didn’t experience any of the points above. i just know that it’s now or never.
Christina
http://www.cityloveee.blogspot.com
Well that’s a good reason! I hope you enjoy your travels!! 🙂
Hehe, yup! I’m excited! Thank you, Megan!
Really helpful and insightful post. I think that we always associate quitting with loosing but no one is winning when they stay at a job they hate or can’t stand or just isn’t working for them anymore just because they don’t like the Q word.
Rae | love from berlin
Oh man, I can relate to this on so many levels.
I recently quit my first design job because I simple didn’t like the work, I traveled about 1-1.5 hours (each way due to traffic) and the way the company was run wasn’t much my style. This was my first design job so you can imagine the pressure not only coming from myself but others for me to “stick it out” just so I could gain experience. I guess I was about done 4 months in but lasted 6 months until I found something that was better. The work, the environment and the experience really. I was going to gain so much more. The fear of not knowing if this was a good decision scared me beyond belief but I’d had my fair share of bad jobs and I just couldn’t justify hating my career that I was just starting, just to gain that experience. I did what I felt was right and it was the best decision.
Thanks for posting!
Thank you for this! This is really helpful! x
Blog | A Girl with a Camera
Such good thoughts! It’s always important to determine if a project is really worth sticking through. I think the time commitment is also a factor. If you’re a month from completing something it might not be worth walking away regardless of these items, but if it’s a project with no end in sight than these factors become much more vital.
My last job was definitely a toxic environment (negative, gossipy coworkers who—quite frankly—were lazy and made their assistants do their jobs for them with little-to-no appreciation) and I really did not care at all about our clients or advancing myself professionally in the industry. It was horrible, but I still didn’t quit until I had secured another job, and I still gave two weeks’ notice to be fair to my coworkers. The year I spent in that office was honestly the worst year of my life (it’s hard to spend 50+ hours a week somewhere you hate!), but now I’m so much more grateful for having a job I love in a career I actually want to pursue. So no matter how bad something gets, you can always find a silver lining. 🙂
I think this applies to me right now with a person. I need to quit a person. Liking him is hurting me more than it’s helping me.
Never really been a person to quit anything. But giving up grand school definitely comes in the 5 top best moments of my life. I remember the freedom I felt when it became official. I have never looked back about that decision yet. These are super good points. Lot’s of us tend to stick through things when maybe it’s not the best. Thanks for the reminder that it’s ok to quit at somethings.
Sometimes, what we need is to give up. I’ve only learnt that lesson last year but I’m so glad I’ve learnt it – we’re not super heroes and we need to pick our fights. Sometimes, they are just not worth it! xx
https://canyoupaintmeyellow.wordpress.com/
I think this is something I have always struggled with. My instincts have always been pretty good about a situation, but the guilt of quitting something is what tends to hold me back. Great piece!
This is so great for today in our home! We’ve been feeling like “fish out of water” in a situation that we thought we were meant to contribute to, and are feeling guilty about it. We both know from the lack of caring, dreading going, and uncomfortable feeling that it is for good reason. It’s nothing personal at all and quitting something is so hard sometimes, even if you know it’s the right thing for everyone! Finding the right words to quit is our next step! Thank you for this post.
This is a great reminder, definitely useful for ‘sometimes’, thanks for sharing!
I love this post so much! I think it’s important to be reminded of this sometimes. Just because you quit doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Sometimes it simply just means that you’re taking care of yourself.
-Kaitlyn 🙂
This is so true! Sometimes there is just something else out there worth more of our attention and since we can’t do EVERYTHING, a choice must be made! 🙂
I think caring too much is my thing – I love my job well I think I do and then I dunno, I had a week off and I just felt incredibly anxious about not being there and letting go of control, I went in once and had numerous phone calls and it made it even worse. I’m at that stage where I don’t know what to do!!