Melyssa: All right, so, Brittany, what are you feeling resistance about that is holding you back in your business or life right now.

Britney: I think that for me that what’s holding me back is the mindset that I have towards my business because I feel like my business. I feel like I built it in such a way that it stands by itself, but it’s the fact that I’m my business. And I feel like because I my business that I hold myself back, mentally. And for me, it’s the idea that I just want to embody what I do and to get on that same level so that it communicates because I feel like there’s a disconnect between what I’m doing and how I’m being portrayed, I guess is how I want to word that, I think,

Melyssa: what do you mean by that between there’s a disconnect between what you’re doing and how you’re being portrayed.

Britney: I think sometimes Like when I sit down and I write a blog post, and I have that, how it reads in my mind. And I don’t always know if that communicates to the readers that are reading it. And so I want the intention behind everything that I do with my business I want it to be, I just want it to so fully embody what I’m talking about. So that people, they connect not just what I’m saying as words on the paper, but they can see the intention behind what I’m doing. And they feel that intention to and I just, I feel like sometimes it’s just words on a blog post. And it’s interesting because I’ve started taking my blog posts and actually converting them into YouTube videos, and I almost feel like me speaking out loud, is a better way to communicate. And or at least my intention gets communicated a little better. But I just I still feel there’s I hope I’m not describing

Melyssa: No, you’re doing a great job. What’s the fear? Like? What are you fearing that they will misinterpret in your blog posts that you’re thinking you might not be getting across very well

Britney: come across as spammy. And I always want to come across as genuine. And I feel like sometimes when you’re in a saturated market, I’m in the health in the fitness world that sometimes it can come across as just another blogger pushing her ideals, and she’s just trying to make a sale. And I really want to push the message that I want to help people and I’m genuine in my intention of helping people and I think sometimes it can come across as pushy, and it’s this way, or it’s black and white. And I, I just want the intention to be that I’m genuine, and honest. And yeah, have you

Melyssa: had people tell you that you come across as spammy and scammy?

Britney: Honestly, no one’s ever said that before.

Melyssa: No, that’s fascinating. All right. So where did you learn that, that if you don’t do it perfectly, it’s not received in the exact right way, then people will think that you’re just in it for the money or that you don’t have positive intentions. even beyond your business. Where did you learn that type of thinking? What I’m fascinated by is that nobody has told you that you’re spammy. No one has said like you’re just in it for the money. These blog posts are clearly a scam. Nobody said that. And yet, there’s this deep fear that your content will be misinterpreted as you are this money hungry scam artist who is taking advantage of people. And so those thoughts aren’t just like plopped in our head out of nowhere. You didn’t just randomly have that thought. So I’m curious, where did that thought originate in you, or what’s a memory that you have, where you also felt something similar to that where you felt like people are misunderstanding your intentions.

Britney: I think maybe it’s just not a confidence that I have in myself, and I You know, I’ve overcome I don’t necessarily think that I have that imposter syndrome anymore because I so fully believe in what I’m selling. But I think it’s the fact that I almost feel like I come across spammy. Because I see some other women in this world. And I know this doesn’t go super far back into my past. But I see women with similar messages as me. And I think that’s great, because I think there’s so much room in this world for all of us. But I see that they can have success with a similar message. And I just wonder, why am I getting passed over when I have, you know, something like that to share? And so I feel like some women have built communities and again, I don’t fall into the comparison trap too often, because I know that’s not the point. But it’s why is someone able to take that same message that I have? And yes, it’s slightly different because it’s coming from them versus it’s coming from me. But why can they then build something that I would hope to build in the future that it’s not resonating with the people that I’m talking to. And I think I’ve always just in life, I’ve kind of always held back. I’ve never been super open. You know, growing up, I was always one of those children that I just, I didn’t have a lot to share. I kept my feelings to myself. And so I was always almost afraid to just share kind of my true self with others. If I I never cried in front of anybody that just wasn’t something that I wanted to do. I didn’t want to show emotion in front of my friends, my family, even nowadays, emotion is something that I try so hard not to show. And so I think sometimes I have a hard time showing my real self because I do so much work to try and hide myself from others so that I come across as put together and

Melyssa: Thank you so much for sharing all of that it’s really helpful. Yeah, and it’s almost like this feeling of, I mean, there’s a lot at play the feeling of, I need to be the perfect vision or version of what these people want me to be for them to like me. And I feel like there might be a level of myself that I’m not able to tap into yet, because I haven’t been able to experience that level of emotion within myself. And I really don’t want other people to see it either. Because then they might not think I’m perfect and living up to the version that they want from me. And that can be a really challenging tug of war in business when we simultaneously want people to approve of us and we’re also afraid of showing who we really are. So it’s like we’re contorting who we are, and we want to show up fully, but we can’t. Mm hmm.

Britney: Yeah, I mean, it’s it’s difficult to balance that and like how much is too much to share. And, you know, I want To be vulnerable with everyone, but at the same time, I feel like I need to protect myself from being too vulnerable and two out there and

Melyssa: yeah, what would happen if you were too vulnerable and two out there?

Britney: That’s a good question. I, you know, I think maybe I may be more relatable to other people. But I think that I wouldn’t be able to control my emotions and I like to be in control. So that fear of losing control is is something that is very real, I guess, in a way to me and something if I would much rather avoid, I guess, then fall into that trap almost.

Melyssa: Mm hmm. So interesting, that now we’re talking about it being control, which I find a lot with people who have learned to not show emotions in front of other people that it comes from this rooted place of, maybe there were areas that you had control over in your life, and so that was an area You got to have control. How does that mean for you?

Britney: I don’t know if I necessarily had an area that’s jumps out at me right now where I didn’t have control in my life. I know that I was never, I don’t think I was ever taught in a way. We never had that family dynamic where we talked things out. I was it was very much let’s avoid the communication. You know, I grew up with even I’ve just shown up in relationships that I’ve had where my partners have done the silent treatment and that’s something where I understand because that’s how I communicate like I back away, but at the same time, it’s not something that I enjoy. I don’t enjoy when someone completely just shuts down and doesn’t allow me in. So the control thing I think is Yeah, it has shown up in past relationships now that I think about it because it’s it’s been a communication mechanism that you know, some people have had used on me and I have used as well. So I guess I’ve never put those two together. But that is interesting.

Melyssa: Yeah, it’s interesting because when we have a pattern somewhere in our lives, it often shows up in many different places and can kind of contort into different ways of showing up. But it does. What’s interesting about that is, so you weren’t really taught how to it wasn’t really accepted in the culture of your family, to share your emotions to open up to be vulnerable to process through conflict, and then in relationships, attracting people who created that same dynamic and probably subconsciously but intentionally attracting those types of people. And so how is that dynamic showing up in your business?

Britney: Who I gotta think about this one.

Melyssa: Take your time. I

Britney: think it’s perhaps it’s the way that he may be. I show up even on like social media when I’m in When I’m going through something, there’s definitely areas of life where I just, I kind of back away from it, I shy away from I mean, last year, I lost my dog. And I know for some people losing a pet isn’t very emotional. But for me, it was a very emotional experience. And I just remember, never sharing that on social media and I, you know, got quiet for a whole month because I couldn’t I had to process that by myself. And I didn’t want to allow others to help me process that. And so I feel like in my business, this comes across as I gotta take on everything, I got to do it myself. I can’t allow others in. And so I just, you know, I put it all on my shoulders when it doesn’t have to be that way.

Melyssa: Um, it’s almost this sense of not letting your community into your world. It’s like, I got to take care of myself.

Britney: Yeah, I think that’s, that’s very true, and it’s

Melyssa: how does that show up in How you might ask for help or not in your business.

Britney: I think that I don’t ask for help. And I’m always I feel like I have to get to a certain point before I’m allowed to ask for help. I feel like I just don’t because I feel like, I feel like I have to justify what I’m doing to someone else. If I were to ask for help, I would have to say, Oh, I could handle this, but and I’d have to give a reason as to why I can’t. Because logically, to me, it has to it has to make sense. And so and I have to explain that because I don’t want others to have a misconception about me. So it’s again about me staying in control of who I am, and and controlling how they perceive me, by me always saying, I have to justify that need for help. I think Does that make sense?

Melyssa: Yeah, it does. It’s almost like you would you would didn’t go to them and say, I’m struggling with this. Can you help me it’s more of like, I just read three books on it. And I looked at all these blog posts, I did the best I could and I implemented it. But there’s just one thing that I’m kind of struggling with. Could you help me with that? It’s like, you got to prove that you’ve, you’ve invested the time you’re a smart person you’ve put in the work to our help. Yeah. No, I mean, guns.

Britney: That does say that

Melyssa: it was interesting is that before this call, I know you filled out a questionnaire before we got on the call together. And one of the things that you were talking about is like, making it hard, making business hard, complicating it that making money has to be hard for it to be earned. And it seems like it’s showing up in some of these different areas of I’ve got to isolate myself when I’m going through something instead of reaching out and making it easier and asking for support or even if I ask for support, I have to do it in a complicated Like I have to show people that I’ve struggled, they’ve got to see the struggle for it to matter and for them to want to help me.

Britney: Yes. Oh, for sure. I mean, that idea that that I have to work hard to be worthy of making money. It’s shown up so many different ways in my blogging now and just throughout my entire life, like that has shown up repeatedly for me.

Melyssa: Yeah. And I appreciate that. And I can relate to that, too. That was a big story that I still have some like little layers to uncover myself because I grew up with a very similar dynamic of like, you work super hard work to the bone. And that’s how you know you’re worthy of success. That’s how you know you deserve it. At least that’s what the story in the belief was. And then I started to look at it and be like, I don’t need to work hard all the time. Money can flow to me more easily. I can do things I love, I can ask for support. And that can actually help me create more abundance. So I relate to what you’re saying about, it has to be hard in order for you to deserve it. Yeah. And what are the little pieces? How is that affecting your business? Because you also said in the questionnaire before our call that everything is like set up ready to go, you got the system’s down the website looks beautiful, like this thing is ready to blow up. But there’s something that’s missing, that’s causing you to resist it or hold yourself back.

Britney: Well, it’s interesting because, you know, I have another job besides blogging. So my day is spent on in the mornings, I do dairy farm work. So I am on a farm. I’m getting dirty, and I love that part of my day. I don’t take that for granted because it gives me the freedom to like allow my mind to just to just flow and I get so much inspiration because it’s physical labor, it’s labor that allows me to be outside and I will get so many Ideas for blog posts and just inspiration almost just flowing to me that I get so excited. And I just can’t wait to come home. And I’m taking notes on my phone and I have all these notes once I get home and I’m like, I’m just ready to write. I have you know, 17 blog posts ideas, and I’m not looking at a blank computer screen, I am looking at everything that I have put into my phone. And yet those blog posts all of a sudden, they just stall and they stop and my progress just halts, almost because I feel like it’s too easy. And that, okay, this has to take me eight hours, when, just a few hours ago, I couldn’t stop the words from coming. And so it’s like, I almost equate the time that I spend on something as a measure of quality, which I know sounds ridiculous, because that’s not how it works. But I just I feel myself, just stopping All the time when I wish that I could just push this content out as fast as I was thinking about it in the mornings. Ironic.

Melyssa: Yeah. And I love you describe that so well, because that’s like this phenomenon that I see in so many people, especially entrepreneurs, where you’ve got these brilliant ideas. And then you work on them, you sit down to do them. And then for some, there’s like a moment or something that happens that keeps you from actually following through on it. And I don’t think it’s because you’re lazy or procrastinate or anything like that. It’s more of something that happens internally in your mind or in your body that tells you it’s not safe or you’re not good enough for something that shifts how you feel and then you don’t do it. If you could identify what that is for you. What would that feel like? What does that experience in that moment when you decide I can’t do it?

Britney: Honestly, I’m feeling defeated. And I feel like at that moment that I’m now We’re gonna get to my business where I want it to go because I put on the brakes and I push pause. And every time that I know that I should just be, you know, moving forward and full force. I mean, I feel like these ideas, that they’re the way that they’re coming to me and how they’re just flowing. I feel like it’s such a sign that I’m traveling in the direction and making the progress. Otherwise, I would be stumped for content ideas, and that’s not it. It’s just that I hit the speed bump, because I just can’t get it from my head and onto the paper. And at that moment, I just feel defeated as if I can’t do this. And that my dream of blogging full time, it’s just never gonna happen. And that frustrates me.

Melyssa: Hmm. And why do you get to the defeated place? Why not write the blog post? What happens that causes you to not be able to do it?

Britney: It’s just the Thought that or the frustration that it’s not coming as fast. And I know that speed isn’t necessarily the important thing, but it’s something and it’s something that I don’t know if I can identify that happened, because, I mean, if you could see me writing notes into my phone, sometimes I can’t even type fast enough. I’ll turn my speak. And I’ll do my speaker on and do text to speech because I know that I can talk faster than I can text. And so it’s in that moment where something just feels out of flow from the time that I am on my phone to the time I actually get sit down and I write and I don’t know if I can identify what exactly causes that. But it’s just this overwhelming feeling of I just can’t write this right now. I got to go do laundry or I might have to go cook dinner now or I’ll come back to this in an hour after I take a nap and I’ll be refreshed and It’s just never the case. And I think it the longer that the time goes on, and I’m not able to get that idea out. It’s just it’s defeating. Mm hmm.

Melyssa: I feel like you’ve just encapsulated so beautifully. But so many of us experience or have experienced when trying to grow our business. I think that experience that you have is something that literally everybody who wants to create a community wants to grow an online business has experienced has gone through. And I was just so curious about that moment where things shift and what I’m noticing about what you’re saying is that when you’re at work, and you’ve got these ideas, you literally can’t even type fast enough that you you’d then have to do a voice memo because you’re so excited. You have so many ideas about all the things you’re going to do for your business. And there’s no pressure in that moment. It’s just free flowing creativity. And then when you come back to sit down all of a sudden things get really Real and you’re like, Oh my god, people are gonna read this. What are they gonna think about me? And is it gonna be good enough compared to that other person who creates content, and then this like, logical brain kicks in, that just tells us all the things that we’re doing wrong or that we’re not going to do good enough. And so now there’s all this pressure. It wasn’t it’s not a free flowing creative idea anymore. It’s like, it has to live up to the standard of what we think is code good enough. And then we get into this cycle where it never feels good enough, and so we never do it. And then we eventually just like quit the project, we just wrap it all up and it becomes a almost like a memory of something that we thought about doing a long time ago. How does that land for you in terms of it’s easy when it’s a free flowing creative idea, but then when the pressure and the comparison and the standards are added to it,

Britney: that’s when it falls apart. I think that’s so accurate, and I do I think it’s a pretty Sure thing, because when I force, you know, not even force the writing. But when I sit down with the intention to write, it’s like I freeze up. And so I think it is a pressure almost that gets to me for for some reason. Hmm, yeah.

Melyssa: So if it is pressure, and pressure comes from almost this, like societal expectation making where the pressure is there because we feel like we have to live up to some sort of expectation that we have set for ourselves, but based on what we think is acceptable in society, and that’s what pressure feels like. So what would it look like if you sat down and decided that you didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations, except yours?

Britney: I almost think that it’s almost harder to live up to my own expectations. Because again, it goes back to the idea that I have to prove to myself and to others that I’m worthy of doing this and that I know what I’m doing. And so it’s the pressure that I have to produce this content and it has to be good enough so that it fulfills my mission of creating this business so that I can prove to myself and I can prove to everyone else around me that I’m doing what I said that I’m going to do. You know, it’s the idea that I don’t just have a hobby, a blog, but that I can actually say, I have a business and that I can feel worthy enough of that my business, it’s established and I don’t have to prove to myself and to others what I’m doing because right now I feel like I almost hide what I do math because I’m not proud of it. I really enjoy that everything that I produced so far and that I’ve learned about what I’m doing. But I feel like I have to get it to a certain level. That is almost what I encapsulate as like successful before. I think share it with others and before I can really own it,

Melyssa: hmm, that sounds very heavy.

That sounds like a lot to carry in the end. What’s so interesting is every time you sit down to write one of those blog posts, that’s the pattern that’s swirling in your head over and over again that maybe you’re not even consciously thinking, but it’s like simmering there below the surface, all of those things, which can feel like such heavy pressure, and causes us to just feel like fatigued and exhausted and then just, I’m not gonna do it right now. I’m gonna go take a nap. Hopefully I’ll do it later. Right.

Britney: I think that’s so true. I’m just I’m waiting for the next blog posts or the next piece of content to be the one thing that takes me from, you know, this is my side hustle to this is my full time job. And so I think it’s always like, you know, I’m determined to see this thing through no matter how long it takes because I love what I do, but I’m almost in that thought of is This next piece of content is going to be the one that pushes me over the edge. Is it the one that’s going to take me to the point that I really want to get to in business? And I think maybe that’s going through my head as well. Hmm. It’s almost like hoping for the result before the thing has been created. And like really honing in on the result, hoping for it, desiring it to happen. And then that creates even more pressure to have you actually creating the thing of like, is

Melyssa: this gonna work? Is this gonna be the thing that pushes me over the edge? Or is it just going to be wasted time and effort and maybe people won’t like it? I’m just thinking about that. What’s interesting is how have you heard a quote, like your thoughts create your reality or thoughts create things? Mm hmm. Yeah. And so I’m thinking about how your thoughts around has to be hard. People need to like it. I need to control how I show up. I have to look perfect. I have to be Received perfectly. All of those thoughts, then turn into beliefs and feelings. And then based on those beliefs and feelings and thoughts, you take a certain action or you don’t take a certain action, and then the actions that you do or don’t take affect your results. And so the thoughts that you’re thinking about, it has to be hard to have to be perfect, has to be received perfectly in the right way. That turns into this action, which is inaction sitting down and not doing anything, which turns into the result of not having the success or business that you want. I know, we started this call with talking about, like, how come there’s these other people in my industry who are doing basically the same thing, but they seem to be having a lot of success? And I’m not seeing that yet. And why is that? And I think that you’ve just uncovered it. It’s that those thoughts are running the show behind the scenes that are not allowing you to take the actions that you know are going to lead to the results that maybe they have or maybe even something better

Britney: Gotta take a deep breath there because no, I think I think that is so right. And I guess I haven’t realized up until this point of how heavy I am making this whole process be. I mean, my blogging journey started as just something creative, you know, as a creative outlet for me. And so, the fact that over these years that I’ve just built this much pressure, just so that I can prove my worthiness, I mean, that’s happy for me right now.

Melyssa: Yeah, it is. And I appreciate you for taking a deep breath. Thanks for honoring your needs. Yeah, it doesn’t get heavy. So what would it look like if you let it be light? What would it look like if you went back to it being a creative thing and released some of the expectations

Britney: I think it would just be more free flowing and that’s what I’ve always wanted out of my business. I you know, I started writing because I love to write not because I felt like I ever had to and so I just feel like this. This could be done with ease. And that’s not something I’m used to because I’ve always held that belief that making money has to be hard. And so the fact that business I mean, I’ve always enjoyed hard work. Like, that’s just something that’s been ingrained with me from a very young age. But I think the idea that, you know, money can flow to me and business can be easy, and it can be enjoyable and it can, it would create more freedom and more space in my life for me to allow even other things into my life. Hmm.

Melyssa: Wow, I love that use the word space, create more freedom and space in my life, so other things can flow into my life. And if we think about the opposite of what’s happening right now, where it’s heavy, and it’s crowded by all these things that maybe don’t feel good, and then thinking about having more space for those creative ideas to flow and to not be so blocked when you sit down to write a blog post, letting it be fun and easy, like He said, Yeah,

Britney: that would be awesome.

Melyssa: So what gets to shift in you in order for it to go back to being easy and fun and creative? What has to shift or what gets to shift?

Oh, it’s really a matter of perspective isn’t it?

I think has this more like, controlling aspect to it gets to is like, this is an invitation for me to shift.

Britney: I think almost the shift, I think that I have to almost allow myself is the idea that I’ve done. I’ve set a foundation for my business and I feel proud of, of that. And just because I put in that work that, you know, money and community and things can flow to me now, as my business is and I don’t have to keep creating it into something that it’s not yeah I have to allow things to almost come into me rather than me trying to push and push and push outward. I think it’s, I have to shift to the idea that I can receive and not just give and push out.

Melyssa: I can receive and not just give. Love that. Yeah, talk about a universal experience for so many of us, or we just give, give, give. And then when we try to get something back, it’s like, oh, no, I don’t want that. Like, I don’t know how to receive that. So just take it back. Yeah, yeah. And it’s interesting too, because it’s almost like, we’re kind of dancing around the concept of perfectionism of we’ve got to get it out there perfectly or not at all. And I find that perfectionism often comes from this place of really looking at ourselves instead of looking at the impact that we could be making. It’s like if we got it out there good enough, and we put out the good enough version that would help a lot of people and impact them, but because we’re like so deep in our own fear or own internal experience, we can’t see that. So we just look at like, you’ve got to make it perfect, got to be hard. And we’re just thinking about our own internal experience. But when you sort of shift the perspective, from perfectionism to service, then it becomes a lot more fun, then it’s like, it doesn’t have to be perfect, because as long as it’s helping somebody, then I could put out the good enough rough draft version and great, then you can kind of get in this flow of letting it be good enough, and seeing the effect that it has in the people that you’re helping.

Britney: I love that. I do, because I am a recovering perfectionist. I feel like I’m making I’m taking strides in that department, but I still like things to be polished. So I know there’s still you know, work to be done, but, but I do it. I like how you just said that I do. Mm hmm. take some of the pressure off right.

Melyssa: Huh, for sure. And I like that you have graduated from perfectionism to polish.

Britney: That’s great.

Melyssa: I love it. Right. And what I also think is so interesting about this conversation is that it feels like, like when it was creative and fun, there wasn’t as much of an attachment to it being successful and earning money. And yet, when it was creative and fun, you were doing things more, and you were like, able to put yourself out there and write the posts or do whatever it was that you were doing at that time, because there wasn’t the attachment of a pressure to it having a result. But then as soon as the result happened, and the pressure happened, you would think that you would be able to create more results, you do more things, you’d work harder, but actually, when we’re so attached to what we think it has to look like it diminishes the results that we have. So it’s almost like this creative, free flowing place. That seems less logical Less linear to getting a result actually creates better results. Does that make sense?

Britney: No, it does. It makes complete sense for some reason. And yeah, to get back to a place where, you know, I don’t want to say to get back to the fun because I still have moments of fun. It’s not like it’s all work right now. But there was definitely, when you’re in that learning stage, I think there’s you give yourself the grace to be beginner. And I feel like I’m to a point where I’m pretty sad in my way. So I don’t give myself that grace because I know what I’m capable of. But I need to, you know, give more grace to myself to move forward so that moving forward, almost becomes easier, I think, Hmm,

Melyssa: yeah, you’re not being so hard on yourself. I’m proud of what you’re doing, putting out there seeing the gift in it.