I have friends with all sorts of personalities — quirky, loud, reserved, soft-spoken — but the ones I always end up observing with silent envy are my most charismatic pals. I’m intrigued by the gift of charisma, the way some people can walk right up to a stranger and turn on the magic. Have you ever wanted to become more charismatic? I certainly do!
Recently, I’ve been getting into podcasts and stumbled upon one with Jordan Harbinger, co-founder of The Art of Charm, an academy that aims to help people become more charismatic and confident. The podcast, hosted by Pat Flynn, had some worthy tips, so like any good blogger, I decided to share them with you here. Being charismatic will help you build strong relationships, better businesses, and extensive networks. Here’s how to do it.
Smile and stand up straight when you walk in a room.
Jordan described a scenario that most of us have probably been in at some point. You walk in a room and there’s someone you’d like to meet, from a cute guy at a party to a leader you look up to in your line of work. What we tend to do is awkwardly linger around these people, waiting for a lull in their current conversations so that we can make our seemingly natural entrance and introduce ourselves. But we’ve got it all wrong. Their impression of you doesn’t start when you two meet. It started 20 minutes ago when you walked in the room. Whether we realize it or not, people are taking note of your actions, even when you’re not in direct contact. The best solution? Look approachable. Smile. Stand up straight. People’s first impressions of you begin long before you meet them.
Leave people better than you found them.
I loved this tip from the podcast. I mean, isn’t this what being charismatic is all about? Jordan suggests striking up conversations even when you feel nervous to do so. Speak up, be joyful, ask that girl you see in the break room every morning how she’s doing. It will take a bit of getting used to, but the sense of community and trust you build with others will be so strong that people will perk up whenever you’re around. In fact, Jordan says, “If you continue to build that as a habit, if you’re smiling at the barista where you get your coffee, talking to your neighbors in the elevator even though you don’t feel like it, [then] when you have an off day, those people are going to start to reflect that stuff back to you and they’re going to bring you right out of your rut.” Who wouldn’t want that?
Do you feel uncomfortable at the thought of chatting it up with your Starbucks barista? Follow Jordan’s “three-second rule,” which is, don’t give yourself enough time to even think about being scared. 1-2-3. Just do it.
(Related: 15 Ways to Be a Good Human Today)
Use body language.
This is simple, but so important. It completes your charisma-packed package. If you’re smiling and being interested in people, yet you’re standing there stiff as a board, it sends a mixed signal. It’s like you’re engaged, but not all there. BE ALL THERE, BABY! Use hand gestures. Express yourself with your body language. One of my favorite professors from college would always lean in candidly while we were talking and gently touch my arm. Her light touch always made me feel more connected to our conversation. It made me feel important.
So there you have it. A few small tweaks to help you become more charismatic and confident!
Very helpful tips! Sometimes I get so caught up in my feelings or negative thoughts that I forget to really just open myself up and treat others how I’d want to be treated. When you think about these things, they are pretty simple but effective!
Yes!! I think you just voiced exactly how I feel. It’s like, I want to make people feel GREAT, but I don’t realize how my sometimes withdrawn self can detract from that.
This is such a motivating post and all your tips are spot on! I used to be unbelievably shy and so was determined to be more charismatic. I still get nervous when I come across a situation like you describe above but I do what you’ve said and just do it! It really does make a difference. And I smile all the time! 🙂 Great post.
Holly xx
http://abranchofholly.blogspot.co.uk/
That’s awesome that you’ve already been utilizing these tips and seeing positive results, Holly! I know how scary it can be — I feel it, too! I also love that you smile all the time. Makes you so approachable, I’m sure. 🙂
My sister is one of those charismatic people everyone loves. I kind of hate her for it (just kidding!). These are great tips!
haha I’d be lying if I said I didn’t kind of hate my charismatic friends (and by that I really mean love and admire dearly). 🙂
Tip #1 about posture and smiles is the best tip. I tell that to my employees all the time. Smiles leave lasting impressions!
They totally do!
Huuuge Pat Flynn fan. Listened to this podcast too and it was extremely helpful. I used to be really shy but tips like these have seriously helped me come out of my shell when meeting people and be confident when introducing myself.
I have been getting into his podcasts lately and I’m obsessed! Glad you dig them, too, and that this one in particular helped you! That’s awesome, Kristen!
I’m very much obsessed too. I got hooked listening at work and now I listen to him and a few others regularly. Really excited about launching my own e-ventures now!
I love Pat Flynn’s podcast! He always give such great tips.
He seriously does. I love how calm and relaxed he is on the show, too. I feel like his personality invites people to share the best of themselves on his show.
I love these tips! I’m very friendly once I’m talking with people but I can often be slow/shy to start a conversation so I may have to start actively working on some of these and making little adjustments.
I’m the exact same way, Kelsey! It’s getting to that point when I feel particularly comfortable that I’m really friendly, but I’d like to be like that from the get-go, too.
I think lately I’ve been so caught up in negative thoughts that it’s really difficult for me to act charismatic (especially when I don’t feel like it!) Sometimes I even think it’s a chore to have to force myself to smile and talk to people. I guess before I follow your tips, I’m gonna have to figure out how to motivate myself to want this in the first place 😐
http://peeintothewind.tumblr.com
It sounds like you know yourself really well, which is more than a lot of people can say! I hope you’re able to pinpoint where your negative thoughts have been coming from. Something tells me that you will. 🙂
I am constantly trying to leave people [+ places for that matter] better than I found them, I love these tips!
That is so awesome, Kasey. And I can totally see it in you!
Great advice! Thinking of reaching out to others in terms of leaving people better than you found them and being joyful really makes sense. That’s something I want to do. However, I’ve never been one to use hand gestures and I’m not sure if I could just pick it up. What do you guys think? I do have a very expressive face and I laugh a lot, meaning I show I’m engaged in other ways.
Yeah!! I was really into that tip about leaving people better than you found them — it made a lot of sense and felt like it gave more purpose to being charismatic.
Incorporating hand gestures is probably something that would need to be practiced (even in front of, say, a mirror, by yourself). But by having an expressive face and sharing a lot of laughs, it sounds like you’ve already got that tip under control! I’d definitely assume that you’d come off as engaged. 🙂
Great tips Melyssa! I’m starting my own little design business and your blog has been really helpful to me. Thank you!
Glad to hear that, Katie! Good luck with your business!
Body language is one of the most important things, it shows a lot about a person. I love all the tips you’ve shared Melyssa, thanks !
xx Cecil // http://www.wednesday19th.blogspot.com
Glad you like these tips, Cecil! And I agree — it’s so interesting how much can be said without saying anything.
These are great tips! For some reason, I have no problem chatting with customer service – cashiers, etc, but I’m more likely to clam up around strangers in the hallway or coworkers. Maybe I can redirect some of that energy.
I’ve felt similar things, Jenn. Maybe it’s because when you chat with a cashier, you have an excuse, since you’re forced to interact. But with coworkers in the hallway, it’s very much on you to make a move. Just some food for though I guess! I hope you’re able to redirect that energy of yours. 🙂
Love these tips, Melyssa!
I like to think that I’m typically a pretty warm, outgoing person (fingers crossed that the people around me feel the same, right?). I have no issue chatting with a cashier or the person behind me in line at Target.
But, when it comes to business networking, I can get a little nervous. I make my living as a freelance writer, so I run into situations where I really want to introduce myself to someone and “sell myself”. I feel like it’s so awkward, and I don’t want to come off as pushy or too “salesy”. Hopefully I can employ some of these tips to promote my work without sounding like a used car salesman. Thanks for these!
I love how these tips make so much simple sense when you see them in black + white. I wonder why we forget them when we’re actually out and about. Definitely inspired to work on these things even more than I already try to. 🙂
These are all great tips. I love how much you help bloggers out.
I love the second one. It makes me think of how, in a book, some small bit of knowledge might have to pass from a minor character to the protagonist for the protagonist to grow. 🙂
These are some really good tips – I especially like the second one. If you get this one down it must be so nice to feel like you are brightening someone’s day!
Emma | frillsanddoodads.com
I LOVE this! Exactly what I needed to read today – I’ve been in a bit of a bad mood slump this week, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of my sails. But after this, I feel a renewed sense of goodvibes and I’m ready to EXUDE charisma!
Thank you!
xx
Anastasia Amour | http://www.anastasiaamour.com
I love this! Great tips! 🙂 The first one is one that I definitely need to remember. I love the reminder to stand up straight–that’s so true. It’ll come off as you being approachable and confident to others, and it will probably make you feel confident too. I love the last one too. I’m big on body language and I appreciate people who not only read body language, but also those who think about what their body language (and actions) are saying.
I need to remember the first one too! I never thought about it like that. People see me very clumsily so I need to help that!
doitfortheirony.blogspot.com
Mel,
If you’re going to listen to anyone’s podcast, Pat is the guy to go with, for sure. I love these tips and I know they work. Another great one is if you’re nervous, before you enter a room, find somewhere private and widen your stance and your arms, make yourself physically as big as possible, like a big grizzly bear. This tricks your mind into feeling powerful and confident. I saw a Ted Talk about that once.
Tricking your mind is HUGE for us shy types who need to make a good impression, thanks for the reminder!
Brittany
Posture is so important and constantly looked over – definitely agree with how it’s a huge part of the first impression one gives off. Great post!
ugh I have the hardest time starting conversation I can never figure out what to talk about!! I think to myself at a constantly high rate of over a million topics and when it comes to try to start a conversation I’m, I do form busing like a open browser to a flat blank piece of paper. damn brain!!
http://irrevocablydaydreaming.blogspot.com/
Oh I love that podcast 🙂 I listen to it all the time ^^ I love the tips you’ve gleaned too, especially the ‘leave people better than you found them’ one.
Great tips. I’m tall and tend to attract attention naturally when I walk into a room, I definitely need to work on the smiling part. It would definitely make me more approachable.
curlschordsclothes.blogspot.co.uk/
I just adore this post. People often describe me as charismatic and sometimes I wonder why….I think I get fussy sometimes and need to work on leaving people better than I found them.
Such an amazing post idea! I haven’t given this too much thought before, but now I definitely will!
evelinkivi.blogspot.com
These are great tips. When I fall into a rut it can be so obvious! I’ll definitely stop and think of these tips when that happens 🙂
Theresa
honesttrees.wordpress.com
Loved these types! Thanks for sharing. It’s true, each of these do make a difference in how people perceive you.
Thanks Brittany! The podcast was a great listen too if you have a few minutes 🙂