Happy Friday y’all! I hope you had a super week. Today I’m sharing one of my favorite, and perhaps one of the most important life and leadership lessons I could ever muster up. What is it? Making people feel like they matter. Though it sounds like a simple concept, I’ve noticed that it can be easy to forget. In case you want to up your leadership game, create deeper bonds with those around you, or just help the people in your life feel like absolute all-stars, check out my five tips for making people feel important and then…ya know…do them!
1. Give them a nickname. Has anyone ever randomly given you a nickname one day? Instead of Elizabeth you’re all of a sudden “Lizzy” and before the confusion has time to settle, you’re grinning from ear to ear. Not only did they remember your name, but they took the time to create a special name, just between the two of you. Though my name is Melyssa, hearing people, especially new friends, call me Mel just feels like home.
2. While we’re on the subject, spell their name right! I once read that the sweetest word to any person is the sound of their own name. Makes sense, right? It’s special, darn’t! So when you begin an email with “Dear I-Didn’t-Take-Two-Seconds-To-Check-The-Spelling-Of-Your-Name,” it doesn’t say “I’m busy” or “I’m a people-person.” It says simply, I don’t care. Spell their name right and remind them that it’s worth spelling correctly.
3. Touch them. Giggity. No, not like that you pervs. What I mean is that if you’re having a conversation with someone, touch their arm when you have something exciting to tell them, give them a shoulder squeeze when they look like they’re having a rough day. Don’t invade their comfortability, but let them know that you’re listening, you’re there, and they’re important to you. One of our senses is “touch.” Use it. It connects us to one another.
4. Just listen. To be honest, I avoid my boss at work a lot. He is always stressed, complaining, and negative. But recently, while waiting for another teacher, we found ourselves alone in a room just passing the time. He started complaining about work and this time I decided to just sit there, listen intently and let him know that I cared. As soon as we left the room together, I noticed a change in him. It was like his weight and stress had been alleviated just by the fact that someone would listen to what he had to say. Bottom line, listen to people. And most of all, don’t offer advice unless they ask. Sometimes people just need to talk and we just need to let them.
5. Tell them! Do you know how many people have thought about you and your existence in the past month? Probably about 5 zillion, but chances are you’ve heard from like, three. I’m not even kidding. I think about so many people — old classmates from high school, best friends from college, former coworkers, and more — on a daily basis that I can barely keep count. But when someone pops in my mind, I don’t always take the time to send them a quick Facebook message or voicemail to let them know that I hope they’re doing all right. It only takes a minute, but it has the power to totally make their day.
In terms of leadership, friendship, or any other -ships out there, I think that making the people around you feel heard, important, and worth listening to is one of the greatest gifts you could give.
Yes a million times to spelling names right! I have even had family members spell my name Bailey instead of Bailie which makes me want to rage at them so loudly!
haha me too! 90% of the time, my grandparents spell my name as Melissa. Oi!!!
I like sending cards/postcards/letters just because. Just a “hey, I was thinking of you and hope you have a nice day” type of thing.. I think the old school way shows I put some effort into it, and really mean it, or at least I hope so 🙂
I LOVE getting postcards so much! It definitely shows that you put the effort in, and is something tangible to show you another person cares 🙂
ME TOO! I love postcards and writing letters to people. I think it means SO much to receive them! Glad you’re still into snailmail 🙂
Thanks so much for the sweet shout out my friend! You’re the best 🙂 xxx
Thanks for being so easy to write about! 🙂
Little things like these make a big difference. I like it when a friend remembers my favourite film so tags me in a Facebook quote/photo. Or when someone asks how my family are. ‘Is your Mum ok? How did her operation go?’ is a great way of making me feel like I’m important, people the people I love are important too. It also shows you were listening.
Oh those are GREAT examples and I totally agree! It’s just the little things that show people are listening to you and remembering who you are. Means so much!
I think listening is definitely key! One of the most poignant examples for me is whenever Christmas comes around, and my siblings are like “aaaah what should we get Mom and Dad!” – I never really worry because I just write down small ideas throughout the year.. how do I have these ideas?! I listen! When Mom says something like “yeah, we should definitely replace those frames”, or Dad says “I’*ve been meaning to buy new _____ for that”, I make note of it and then I’m set for when gift-giving time rolls around, much to the unhappiness of my siblings 😉
Oh well DANG look at you! That’s a great idea! I am honestly always clueless too and I KNOW my parents have said they wanted certain things throughout the year too, but I never think to write them down. Looks like I’ll have to change that 🙂
This is so completely perfect, Melyssa! I tend to want to fix everything around me but lately I have tried just being present and listening–without offering advice or judgment–and it has been wonderful. Also, nicknames: I love them but my name is so short that the nicknames I get are often just as long. But they still make my day 🙂
I’m so glad you liked this! I like to help and solve problems too (perhaps the INFJ in us??), but I’ve been trying to be more of a listener and I am digging it! I also remember having a friend named Amy who would say the same thing — she wanted a nickname but her name was already short. We all ended up calling her “Ames” 🙂
So much truth to this!
FYI – giveaway at my blog!
~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
http://acutelifestyle.blogspot.com
I love this! My name is misspelled 95% of the time so it really does feel awesome when someone gets it right! 🙂
I’ve always thought that Aimee is the super happy version of the name. More eeeee, therefore more fun to say I think 😉
Awww, well thank you! 🙂 I love that!!
I totally agree with you! 🙂
You’re special! There I told you 🙂
I nearly spat my tea all over my screen at the “touch them. Giggity” so funny, I friggin love that word!
Do I say giggity when I touch them, surely thats 100% acceptable!
haha YAY thanks Claire 🙂
HAHA I love the word giggity too. It’s just so fitting sometimes!
Man, the name spelling thing kills me (as it does others, apparently!). My given name is Catherine but for 21 years I was called Katie, and now I go by Cat (to some people).. No one knows whether to do C or K, even people that have known me for years and years.
I bet it means a lot when people get it right! 🙂
Oh, I love this line so, so much “Bottom line, listen to people. And most of all, don’t offer advice unless they ask. Sometimes people just need to talk and we just need to let them.”
My husband would always offer up ways to solve my “problems”, because that’s just how he works – he wants everything to be on the up and up. Now, I’ll be venting or just sharing my feelings, and say “I can see the wheels turning in your head, and I don’t need you to figure out a solution. I just need you to hear me out, I have to get it off my chest.” Communication/listening like that has also does wonders for our relationship!
Also – I don’t know WHY I am only finding your blog right now, but hip-hip-hooray! (And hello!)
I’m glad you two could work that out together! It’s interesting how some people really are dying to solve your problems and help you, but it’s not always what we need. It’s great you worked that out! 🙂 And YAY for your finding my blog. 🙂
This was great. And spelling someone’s name correctly totally matters. People always spell my name wrong and it especially annoys me when it’s already written there (like when they’re replying to an email I sent) or as I’m spelling it and they spell it wrong as I’m saying it. They aren’t even listening! Great post 🙂
YES! People spell my name wrong all the time and I’m with you — it totally makes an impression on me.
These are good suggestions. I’m always bad about using people’s names- I generally only use someone’s name when I need to get their attention. It feels so awkward otherwise. With my last boss, I actually hated when she used my name because it felt condescending (but maybe it was just her and the way it sounded unnatural). I do love nicknames, though. I love when people call me Rach, especially in written form. Ray-Ray is alright too, but since that is what my nephews call me (and I correct them when they don’t), it’s a little funny.
I need to try reaching out more when I am thinking of people- you’re right that it’s so easy, but I think we make such a big deal out of it in our minds, or we just simply forget.
I’m awful at using people’s names too! I just feel so awkward about it, and I don’t even know why. Maybe because of my weird experience with my name? (Long story short, for a few years I hated my legal name but wasn’t quite comfortable going by Lix, so I basically… didn’t have a name I felt right about. I’m only just recently embracing Lix in my offline life.) I love when people call me by my name, even if they’ve just met me. But I have such a hard time returning that favor.
Ahhh I used to be the same way! I’d feel uncomfortable using people’s names in conversations. I attributed it to the same fears I had of calling someone by a nickname that I wasn’t close to (will they think I’m overstepping my grounds with them?). But now I like to use people’s names because I’ve really noticed that it makes people feel special and accepted. That is really unfortunate that your last boss changed the feeling you get when you hear your own name. I can remember a boss making me feel like that before too. Luckily they’re not our bosses anymore 🙂
Lovely list. I’m not sure I agree with #1, though, mainly because I know a lot of people who hate being called by a nickname – either any nickname or a specific nickname. If you meet an Elizabeth and no one calls them Lizzy, maybe there’s a reason for it, you know? It can be a sweet thing, just not for everyone.
Great tips! I feel you on the name thing… I wish people would just spell mine right, consistently. They can even look at it and still spell it wrong.
hahah I know right? I’m so with you! Even in emails when my name IS the email address. Oh wellllllllllll
I love the nickname idea!! It does just bring your relationship/friendship to another level once you give a nickname!
Totally! I love when people make up nicknames for me 🙂
So I was taking an online course through the University of North Dakota and would email back and forth with my professor. At times, she’d have to consult the director of the program who would then get back to me via email. In both of her emails, months apart she called me “Andrew”. I’m pretty sure she runs her emails through auto spell check, but come on!!! You know I have a unique name that is in no dictionary, other than a Hawaiian one. After the second time, I kindly replied back letting her know my name was Aukele.
The first time it didn’t bother me, but the second time was a little disturbing to know she is so busy to not double check a name and leave it to spell check. I just kind of thought, wow she REALLY needs to up her customer service skills if she cannot take 30 seconds to re-read her email and double check everything.
Oh my gosh I totally understand! People send me emails all the time calling me Meyleyssa or some ridiculously misspelled version of my name. That is pretty bad though that she didn’t even call you a woman’s name. Oiiiii
Great tips – I would add leaving little notes (kind of a subsection of telling people). Whether its for my husband or for a friend or a coworker. I’ve left little notes or gotten people little cards for no particular reason – just to say hi, just to say I’m thinking of you, just to wish them a good day. I’ve left notes for coworkers wishing them luck as they deal with teaching a difficult class, or I’ve bought a friend a single flower or some chocolate just to say I’m thinking of you hope this brightens your day : ) You are so right, just communicating with people and letting them know you care about them or are thinking about them goes a really long way.
That’s a GREAT idea and so true! I love leaving little notes too and whenever I receive them, I always save them. Excellent addition to the list 🙂
These are some great tips.
And the nickname thing, my name is super easy for nicknames, but some I just hate. Especially when people make it a two letter nickname… Not cool… My mother at some point starting calling me Su, and that’s just toooooo short. Suus, that I can handle. But Su? No way. So when it comes to nicknames, make sure the other person is okay with the nickname you give them…
I love this post, particularly point one about nicknames! They give a certain familiarity and friendliness to the situation, I think it’s a great way to remove tension from a situation with someone who may feel a little unfamiliar or new 🙂
Exactly! That’s totally how I feel about them too. 🙂
i love this. so often it doesn’t take much to make someone feel special, it’s just taking the time to do so! oh and weird thing, i’ve almost written Mel about a million times but i didn’t know if that nickname annoyed you or not! i had a friend that i shortened her name and later found out she hated that nickname! it’s made me second guess it every time.
That’s so funny/interesting! A few other commenters have said similar things about nicknames. I didn’t realize people were so particular about them, but I guess it makes sense!
love this, specially the nickname point. It’s so true! It’s so nice to have that kind of friendliness with people 🙂
I totally agree 🙂 It really does make me feel closer to people immediately! There must be some science behind this or something?! haha
Nicknames are hit and miss. Personally I cannot stand being called nicknames. I love my name and don’t want to be “Brit” or “Britty” or whatever else people come up with. I try not to let it go and not be upset about it, but it comes across as rude to me.
I agree with spelling their name right. I have a hard name so it’s always nice when someone spells it correctly. Actually even pronouncing it correctly or asking that person how to pronounce your name is nice since it shows you care about that 🙂 Sometimes I forget about #5. I sometime wonder if they think it’s weird that I randomly email them out of the blue but you’re right – i think people like to be remembered so that will definitely make them feel special.
I love that you agree, Hsiao-Ting! One of my friends’ last name is Hsiao, so I hope I know how to pronounce your name. 😉 And I forget about #5, too! It’s funny since it’s so obvious, but also the easiest to forget.
Haha i think you’re pronouncing it correctly then! Yeah I think Hsiao is more common as a last name. I always tell people it sounds like the verb “shout” but without the “t” 🙂
We’ve had good success with making friends feel special by sending them a thank you card to show your appreciation of them. It goes by actual mail, so it doesn’t get lost in the digital spherehttp://www.thanksify.com