Remember when you were a kid and the biggest decision in your life involved which color jelly bracelet would look best with your light-up Sketchers? Man, those were the days. As adults, the decisions we make are a bit more complicated. We’ve got to decide which jobs to take, which relationships to pursue, which city to move to, how to take care of our money – it’s exhausting.
If you are on the cusp of making one of these big, huge, monstrously scary decisions, know that you are not alone. While it’s never easy, there are definitely ways to ensure that you make the choice that is right for you. Here’s how to tackle your next wildly scary decision:
First, get some perspective.
While our choices certainly matter, we can easily put way too much emphasis on them. After all, the things of life that really dictate the course of our future are often random, unplanned occurrences: a person we meet while waiting in line at the grocery store, a phone call we receive on an unexpected Tuesday afternoon, a blog post that surprisingly goes viral. We tend to think of the big decisions of our lives as make-it-or-break-it moments, but life is largely a collection of arbitrary incidences. Sometimes the decisions we make really are life changing, and sometimes they aren’t.
Related: 5 Actionable Steps You Can Take Toward Making Your Dreams a Reality
Analyze your motivations.
Oftentimes when we feel stuck in a decision, it’s because we have a profound sense of anxiety associated with it. While anxiety can carry a sense of immediacy and randomness, it always comes from a deeper source below the surface. It’s like a weed that grows in the pit of your stomach, and it’s important to treat it at a root level. Give yourself time to reflect on what the source of that anxiety is. What exactly is it about this decision that scares you? Are you afraid that you’re going to fail? Do you fear not being liked? Are you worried that this decision will change the course of your future? The last thing you want is to make your choice based on an unhealthy motivation, so it’s vital to sort out your feelings first.
Related: What Do You Worry About?
Form a decision committee.
You know those people in your life who know you, love you, and want good things for you? When you are in the midst of a tough decision, this group should be your lifeline. Meet with them and ask for their honest assessment on your situation. Warning: don’t approach someone about a decision if you are simply expecting them to tell you what you want to hear. One of my dear friends refers to this practice as “getting someone to cosign your bullshit” and sure, it’s tempting, but it’s honestly fruitless. Instead, seek out people who you know will tell it to you straight.
Visualize the potential impact.
It’s time to put your imagination to work. Take every side of the decision you have to make and visualize its future. If it’s a job, imagine the best possible outcome (you succeed beyond your wildest dreams, you become famous, you write a book about how awesome you are, and everyone throws a parade in your honor). But more importantly, think about the worst possible outcome. Think about what your life will look like if this decision fails. While this sounds like a grim mind game, you might actually find that the worst possible outcome isn’t actually as bad as you had feared. If you can live with it, then that’s definitely something to consider.
Evaluate your ability.
This one is critical. In order to truly determine whether a choice is right for you, there are three questions that you must first ask yourself:
- Am I capable? – Do I have the proper talents? The required training? The necessary skills?
- Will I enjoy it? – Will this decision be a source of joy or frustration?
- Is it in step with my morals? – Can I live with myself if I go through with this? How will this choice affect the people I love most?
Just decide.
If the answer to all of the above questions is yes, if you’ve visualized all potential outcomes, consulted with your committee, made the decision to get real about your motivations, and still you have no clear-cut answer, then friend, it’s time to take a leap. Make a choice, commit to it, and don’t look back. You’ve done the work of assessing the situation, and without involving psychics or invoking the science of time machines, you have no ability to know what the future will hold. It’s scary, sure, but it’s also comforting. Rest in the fact that all you have to do is the next right thing, and right now, the next right thing is finally making a damn decision. You’re going to be okay.
I love the part about evaluating your ability. A lot of times my decision can be made much easier if I realize that it’s not something that I even like to do, or will be good at. I can cause myself anxiety sometimes with big decisions and breaking it down like this is helpful!
Thank you so much for this! I am the worst at making decision–big or small. Love the part about life being a collection of arbitrary instances. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in feeling like the decision will make or break your life.
Hi Christy, I had to take some important decisions recently and thought a lot on how to improve decision making, also published an article on my blog with some tricks that helped me to finally decide.
The point is that this decision fatigue just takes up so much energy. In the end it is better to take a decision and remind yourself that it is not a “make-it-or-break-it” decision, as you call it. Sometimes it is better to decide on something than pushing the decision any further.
Nice read, thank you! Linda
When I have to make a decision, as a Christian, I pray, read my Bible, and try my best to think logically, and to have a little faith. That’s all we can do (in addition to the tips you spelled out above).
Kristin // The Peculiar Treasure
thepeculiartreasureblog.com
I do the exact same! I realize that sometimes I need a little more guidance when making choices!
Yep, it is a very important step! 🙂
The part about visualizing is so on point. A couple years ago, I worked myself into a frenzy for months leading up to a breakup I *SO* needed to follow through with (and eventually did). It wasn’t until I started visualizing what a life outside that relationship would look and feel like that I was able to get the “but what if…!” girl in my head shut up for a second, and I realized that visualizing that scenario brought me the peace and serenity I’d been missing. Boom, decision made. It’s such an easy step to forget, but it really can make all the difference.
You’re totally right about getting perspective. Sometimes we give one decision so much power to make us nervous when it won’t matter in the next few years. However, when making decision that will matter in the long run, I like your suggestion of forming a “committee” 🙂
This post come in a crucial moment for me. Actually I decided yesterday, but this post reinforces enormously my decision. I am ready to quit my job for a less paid one, with much more commuting time, but in the company of my dreams. The decision is up to them to hire me, but i know now that I’m done with my current job.
Very informative. Sometimes I really struggle with gaining perspective. I tend to carry a lot of internal pressure and it messes with my head a lot. This post helps! Thanks!
-Linds
Yep. And on a related note, I ask myself “Pretend I decide X tonight. How will I feel tomorrow morning, right when I wake up?” If the answer is RELIEVED, I know it’s the right decision.
I think that feeling relieved was what let me know that changing jobs was the right decision.
Lizzie Dripping
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