Being an adult is weird. Suddenly you’re expected to be self-sufficient, have your shit together and not eat mac and cheese for dinner. You’re also forced to figure out the totally weird predicament of making friends as an adult. Making friends while growing up is much easier. You’re put in school with dozens of potential buddies. Group projects and after school activities are perfect situations for finding cool people to hang out with. During college your new best friend could be anywhere — from someone in your dorm to the person you sit next to in Bio.
Then, BAM!
All of the sudden you’ve graduated, your friends are moving away and it’s easy to be left feeling pretty lonely. Friday nights that were once reserved for partying it up with your roommates are now left for quiet nights at home with Netflix and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. But before you start getting too hard on yourself, remember that everyone goes through this difficult phase. And, like every part of growing up, it just takes some stumbling to find your balance.
Use the Internet
It may sound a wee bit pathetic to have to turn to the internet to find friends, but we use dating sites to find potential partners, so why not? No, I’m not talking about putting up an ad on Craigslist. There’s so many other less-creepy options these days for meeting people. Meetup.com, for example, allows users to search for “meetups” happening in their area based around practically any common interest. Looking for new friends that share your love of Crossfit? Have a passion for cooking worldly cuisine? Whatever your interest, it’s very likely someone’s created a group for it. And if not, you can create your own! Some meetups are based around outings or activities and others are just purely social like checking out new bars or restaurants in the area.
When I first moved to Australia and didn’t know a soul besides my boyfriend, I started attending Meetups. I was pretty nervous to head out to the first one on my own, until I realized most other attendees were on their own as well! Attending a Meetup based around an activity is perfect because it breaks the ice by automatically giving you something to chat about.
Be Open
Having a set group of friends in high school and college was reassuring, but also led me to be a bit closed off from making new friends. If I met someone who I didn’t click with right away or I felt didn’t seem like my “type” of friend, I usually didn’t put much effort into getting to know them. After all, I had my other friends — why bother?
After college, when my core group all moved to different areas, I was forced to dig a little deeper to see if new acquaintances could become friends. First impressions of people tend to be misleading, so it’s usually worth it to put in the extra effort. I met a girl at work who seemed like the polar opposite to me. From her politics to her taste in music, I didn’t think we’d have anything in common. Finally we went out for a happy hour drink and she ended up cracking me up the whole time! Although we had a lot of differences, our sense of humor was really similar and we became good friends.
Approach People
This can be really scary, but another one that’s almost always worth the extra effort. If you saw a really cute guy at the gym, you’d rack your brain for topics to start a conversation. So why not do the same with a new friend? It may sound weird, but pursuing friendships can be a lot like dating. You see someone that looks like they’d be fun to hang out with. Maybe it’s the girl with awesome bangs in your yoga class. Or the super sweet cashier who always has the best hummus recommendations at Trader Joe’s. Spend some time building a rapport. Ask about their hairstylist or share a funny story about your weekend. Compliments always go a long way, as long as they’re sincere.
After you’ve struck a few conversations, go in for the kill: ask them on friend date. Be confident and natural. You want to make them feel special, like you’re approaching them because you think you’ll get along well, not because you’re desperate for friends. If this sounds weird, imagine how you’d feel if a cool, self-assured person walked up and wanted to hang out. It’d be awesome! After all, who wouldn’t want to be friends with a confident, beautiful person like yourself?
What are your tips for meeting new people as an adult?
p.s. 15 ways to be a better human today + How to get shit done even when you’re totally unmotivated
Great article. Enjoyed reading it.
http://www.unkhanny.com
Thanks, glad you liked it 🙂
Great post. I work as a manager in retail and then at home for part of the week so I kind it super hard to make new friends between those two!
Sarah | More Than Adored
Being busy with work can make having a social life tough, especially if you work from home! Hope some of these tips helped 🙂
Great post. I’ve made a lot of friends at work, and I think your advice to “be open” is great. That’s the only way I’ve been able to make the awesome friends I have here. I know that not everyone likes to make personal friends in the workplace, but I’m lucky to work with some truly awesome women. If I hadn’t been open and broken out of my shy, introverted ways, my life would be lacking a bunch of awesome people.
That’s awesome Kendall! Good for your for going out of your comfort zone to open up to your coworkers. If you have cool coworkers, it can be a perfect place to meet new people!
Lesbians.
bet your friends are awesome
dats is so true
I loved reading this post! A few years ago I went to Canada as an Au Pair and I didn’t know anyone there – to be honest, I didn’t even know the language too much. I had to step up from my comfort zone and I met lots of new people. The thing with me is that I normally get along with guys but less with girls… Right now, I’m in my last semester at university and I’m in a class full of girls. Sometimes I feel really lonely cause, even if I can say some of them have become friends of mine, they’re still not that kind of friends you hang out back home and you can tell everything to. I really wish next year I will be able to make some new friends, even if I feel it’s getting harder for me to do. I’m really lucky since my boyfriend is also my best friend, and I can share everything with him. But at the same time, I really wish I had some more friends to hang out…
Ellie from indiellie.com
I totally feel ya Ellie. That’s so cool that you were so brave to take an Au Pair job in a new country where you couldn’t speak the language! You must be an awesome person! Making friends with girls can be tough, especially if you get along better with guys. A lot of times it takes longer for girls to develop really tight relationships so keep trying and some classmates may turn into best friends!
Thank you so much for the kind answer, you are so sweet!
Loved this post!! Although I’m still in college, I have SUCH a hard time making friends because I live off campus and work from home! I really just need to try introducing myself to the people around me!
Living off campus and working from home definitely make it tough to meet people. If you’re able to I would suggest working in public spaces, like a local coffee shop or at your school’s library, then start up a conversation with someone nearby!
I really liked this post. I feel like I’m definitely going through the phase of growing up that leaves you feeling quite lonely sometimes. Meeting new friends always feels like a daunting task but is so necessary when your friends no longer live in your house or down the street. I really appreciate knowing a- I’m not alone with this feeling and b- new ways to reach out to new people.
Amazing post! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Kirsti, glad you liked it! I think it definitely helps to remember, as you said, that you’re not alone in feeling this! So many people have this same predicament and even super social people are always interested in meeting new people. You can’t go wrong!
Now I want Mac n Cheese! 🙂 I’m sorry – but I’m pregnant and now that’s all I can think of…. I know I have a box waiting for me at home, just need some milk!
Haha! I hope you got your Mac n Cheese Aukele! Now I’m craving some!!
I remember when I was graduating college, we had a graduates dinner, with a speaker who told us that we’d never be in a place where we could so easily meet friends again. I thought she had to be kidding. She wasn’t. It’s been difficult, but keeping in contact with my friends from college has helped.
So true Beks! I remember freshman year of college, everyone said cherish the fact that you live, eat and study with the same people. It’s so easy to make friends! I feel like it’s just gotten harder since then, but it’s still possible! Hope some of my tips helped 🙂
Great tips. I’m always trying to figure out how to make friends as I am pretty isolated at home with four kids.
http://www.sweetwordsprettypictures.com
Being a mom can make it tough to make new friends and I’m sure you’re busy with 4 kids! You should check out Meetup or other platforms to find mom’s groups!
I joined a book club that one of my neighbors started. It’s been great because I get to meet up with a bunch of women I normally wouldn’t have met. In addition the book club gives us something to talk about and a dedicated monthly meeting time. It’s a great way to keep up with new people.
That’s awesome Carmen! I’ve never been part of a book club but have always wanted to join one! What a cool way to meet interesting, intellectual women!
Great reminder for grown women! I will keep this in mind when we move across country in a few months. Thank you.
Glad you liked the post Regina and good luck with your move!
Great ideas! Sometimes I think I may be missing some kind of social queue. Like I will get along with someone at work and then suggest we go to lunch etc or give them my cell number and nothing! I wonder if a lot of people are just weird about mixing there personal and professional lives. I try not to take it personally because I think I am pretty awesome (I don’t mean that in a full of myself way)! 🙂
I bet you are awesome Melissa! And that’s a great attitude! I think people can be lazy about making new friends, finding it easier to stick with their old ones or spend time with their partner/alone. Keep trying and you’re bound to find someone as awesome as yourself!
I’m So awkward making adult friends! I’m on meetup but I havent actually attended an event.
Haha, I totally feel ya Ashley! It can be super awkward! Definitely give the Meetup a try, it really breaks the ice for meeting new friends!
Ugh…why is it so hard? I think once you’re an adult you’re in a comfort zone of doing what you know. But you’re right, you have to be more open. I actually just moved to a new city and don’t know anyone besides my husband and the leasing agents lol Maybe, I’ll try a Meetup one weekend.
Definitely try a Meetup! They have so many different topics/activities you’re bound to find one that you can relate to! Good luck!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks its tough!! Hands down my best friends are my girls from college but we are so scattered, I hardly see them.
Glad you could relate Diane! It’s difficult when (inevitably) your college friends move around, but totally worth it to put in the effort to stay in touch!
I love this! I’m saving this for my upcoming move! xx Becky
Awesome Becky!
I relate so much to this. I just graduated from college and I moved to Hawaii and it’s so lonesome! It’s very difficult to transition from college life to “real” adulthood.
Totally Jasmine! Transitioning from college to “real” life is tough anyway, let alone moving somewhere new. Good luck with everything and have fun in Hawaii!!
Such a good post! It’s been a bit challenging for me as i’m difficult to make new friends but this post definitely inspires me to be more open!
Yay! Glad this inspired you Corina 🙂
I love this post! Some great tips in there. I met one of my best friends over here at the gym – I specifically set up my equipment near her because she looked more my age (sounds creepy but it worked!) finding new friends is hard but you just have to be brave and put yourself out there! x
That’s awesome Rachel! What a cool spot to meet someone! Now you have a friend and a gym buddy!
When I put myself out there some woman act as if I’m an outlaw.
Another wrench in the adult friend making process is that I’ve noticed I’m pickier…like my time has gotten more precious with my age, haha 🙂 Since moving, I’ve adopted the “make a good friend and you’ll probably end up having a lot in common with a fair amount of their friends too” strategy.
Two very good points Brittany! Even though making friends as an adult is tough, I feel like the extra work means you find people who you really connect with and have common interests. And friends of friends are a great way to meet people!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with this problem! I’ve found that travel is a great way to make new friends. I made friends who I know will be in my life for quite a while on my recent trip to Central America.
Definitely Sky! Travel is one of my favorite ways to make friends! It’s so nice to know that you can go around the world visiting people you know! And Central America is one of my favorite spots ever 🙂
Really enjoyed this post. I’m still in Uni but I’m an out of state student and a commuter. I never was the best person at making friends but it’s definitely gotten harder.
Totally Yoldine, even making friends in Uni can be tough, especially if you live off campus. Hope some of my tips helped and just remember there’s probably a ton of other people in your shoes!
Thank you so much for this post! I moved to San Diego recently and am trying to make new friends. It’s difficult, but necessary if I don’t want to become a complete recluse. I love the tip about approaching others… I actually saw a girl do this at a cafe. She boldly went up to someone and said, “I noticed you’re writing! I’m a writer, too. I’m new to the area and am trying to make new friends!” It really inspired me. Thank you for these great suggestions!
Circus & Bloom
♥♥♥
Wow, that’s an awesome story! It’s funny how nervous we would be to do that, but then when someone else does, they sound so cool and confident! Very inspiring 🙂
And don’t forget… start a blog!
Haha, very true! We’ve met some amazing people through our blog 🙂
These are all so true. It’s hard to put yourself out there, but you HAVE to as an adult!
Definitely Cassie!
It’s funny how when we were kids, friendship came so easily, but the moment you enter adulthood, finding honest and true friendship is as hard as making macarons. Why can’t we all just be friends =)
Juju
Haha, I’ve never made macarons before but I love your analogy! It can be tough but also so rewarding when you find the perfect ones 🙂
Like the cookie so good.
I like your name it’s cute!….
I’ve always had a core group of friends from primary school all the way to high school. Living alone overseas was the first time i was out of that comfort zone. And your tips are really applicable! Meeting people online is one of the best ways to make new friends. The internet gives us a way of finding like minded people, its incredible.
X, Carina
Running White Horses | Fashion + Travel
Wow, living alone overseas will definitely push you out of your comfort zone and force you to meet new people! Bravo on being so courageous to do that! And yes, the internet is amazing 🙂
@chungcarina:disqus ♛ .Ellie . I agree that Tina `s bl0g is amazing, yesterday I picked up a top of the range audi when I got my cheque for $8651 recently an would you believe 10k last-month . with-out any doubt it’s my favourite-work Ive had . I started this 6 months ago and pretty much immediately began to earn more than $77… per-hour .
see here >>>>>>>>> click DISQUS POINT OF WORK
The problem is that social media sites are taking away from ones ability to talk to the person right beside them, I recently seen a mother texting her son as a form of communication at a public event, unless it wasnt intended for everyone I thought this was odd
Yes, there is some truth to that.
Pathetic and Sad unless you need to be quiet.
Being an adult is another competition. There is always an opponent, a challenger, a negative person, and a gossiper. It is tough competition
I have decided no Toxic people period and I feel soooo much better
@disqus_9FWn7zoxzG:disqus ♛ .Ellie . I agree that Tina `s bl0g is amazing, yesterday I picked up a top of the range audi when I got my cheque for $8651 recently an would you believe 10k last-month . with-out any doubt it’s my favourite-work Ive had . I started this 6 months ago and pretty much immediately began to earn more than $77… per-hour .
see here >>>>>>>>> click DISQUS POINT OF WORK
SCAM
http://howtomakehonestmoneyonline.com/beware-of-home-profit-system-its-another-copycat-scam
Cristine, porn can be a lucrative job especially fetish porn but you will grow old before your time not to mention that you will not be able to hold your farts especially if you’re into anal.All that easy money you make will be spent on surgeries getting you’re butt tightened back up.
like
It’s more important to have the tools to recognize the desperate and the predatory. Most people desperate for friends will suck the life out of any person they come into contact with, and the predatory use their friends up and move on to new targets. Always put yourself first and keep your eyes open.
Her name is Jeniece mercy, I never had depression til she sucked the life out of me.
spiritual vampires thats what she is, Only God is able to help in these cases.
Get money! Then potential friends and hoes will stand in line. 🙂
GOD i wish this wasn’t true! My boyfriend pretends like he’s broke to his friends (he has so many as an adult! it’s not fair) anyways, he refused to talk about having money …. he NEVER mentions he has lots of cash and it always going off about bills to be paid and such…. people honestly don’t realize his expensive, designer clothing and three bmws… but hey! at least he knows people aren’t with him for the $$
he is a genuine guy and money doesn’t matter to him, but i have too much pride to do what he does!
I once new a man named Uncle K. He was so handsome as at the time i knew him first. All of a sudden this handsome man begin to depreciate because his kidney was no longer in good shape. Until a friend of mine from the city met with him and recommended; kidney care, detoxin tablet, chinese royal tea and double ginseng. That was my first time I first came in contact with such Health making products. Since that time till now I have used GREEN LIFE products myself and have used them to cure many people’s ailments.
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Hahaha thats the truth.lol
; )
If I had $1 for every girl that dislikes me, soon they would start liking me.
Christine doesn’t look like she’d have any problems making new friends.
NO, BUT SHE SURE IS AN EXPERT IN GETTING RID OF THEM
inside voices plz
thats cool
As I get older I find myself going more and more introvert. Idk if I like it or not though
Hi
Since this article is about meeting I’m available.
Lol, maybe that would work?
Say when Diane.
I’m a married Girl, pretty not vain but I love my husband I couldn’t. Keep looking so mant lonely ladies.
Just Foolish Dreaming. I’ve been fortunate/blessed in the relationship world.
Bless you.
U-2
I thought the article was about making friends? Can’t married people have friends? I’m not sure why ‘meeting’ has to involve something that married people can’t do. Why does that spring to mind?
Because it would offend my spouse, marriage is to protected. I worked with Guys but never had lunch alone. It’s just ole school manners and respect.
I’m not afraid of being with men but I dont want to dishonor him either .
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmemegenerator.net%2Finstance%2F59748364&ei=PogEVay2L8v0oASRiIHgCQ&bvm=bv.88198703,d.cGU&psig=AFQjCNFYwjRj8qdmM_5dPbnArL4pVo8dfg&ust=1426446764893611
At this point, I’m 41 and have no human friends. I have a daughter, but she lives with her mother, and even so family is not the same thing. I have my cat, who is a great friend and companion to be sure, but the conversation is pretty much non-existent. I have health issues which prevent me from working, and there is a definite scarcity of people my age where I live. While I’ve always been pretty introverted and need a certain amount of quiet time by myself, I now find myself alone almost all of the time. I have tried to reach out, to connect with the people I can find, but nothing ever works. In the end, I feel like the world is a stage and I’m the only person in the audience, sitting alone in the dark, far away at the back of an empty theater. I have never felt so isolated and alone, nor so depressed and hopeless, and every time I reach out I find that there seems to be nothing left I can do.
Well, it is all in the attitude and your beliefs. Yes, everything
does change even family. Yet, this is where church and getting
out to walk, library,reading,museums, internet chat but be careful. 41 is young and hang in there. What about a hobby ?
Volunteering is a great way to get out of yourself and find kind people with which to find comradery.
“If you knew what I know about the power of giving you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way”
~Buddha
Beautiful ……
Look for someone to help, and love people like you they really need it. Join a group, I found church was wonderful as a adult Sunday School is very fun. Bless you God is always with us we really are never alone.
This is actually a complex issue with no easy answers. Some people find happiness in service, as TruckinMack suggested, but to some people that kind of happiness is as superficial as feeding pigeons in the park. The pigeons thank you for your service then fly away. Being a volunteer puts you in a position to make real friends–with other volunteers!
The other way to experience comradery is to join a club or a group and participate. Then be the friend you would want to have. If you want people to recognize you, then recognize other people. Call them out by name as soon as you see them. They will learn to see you as a friend, whether they are the friendly type or not. Then you may have to teach them to be friendly. It seems to me there is an epidemic of people not knowing how to be friendly these days. They need someone to tell them step by step. But even then, often the problem is personal anxiety. They don’t want to draw attention to themselves by calling out someone’s name, not for reasons, but simply because of how they would feel.
And ironically, they wish they had more attention. Some people don’t want to be up on a stage with an audience adoring their every word, but they would love to have a close friend to talk to. It’s not, as TruckinMack suggests at the end, that some people are only looking for sympathy tears. But a good friend will sympathize, and nobody wants to be judged and condemned for being who they are.
Love this 🙂
Wow. Maybe the reason so many of you don’t have friends is that your catty jealous bores? Just from the vibes. Yeah, flame me now. All you know is that I think it’s low standards to get your boost from being negative.
Need a hug Jenny?
There, there. Do you need a friend or just someone to talk to?
Well said that lady. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
http://www.lovenimphets.com
I once new a man named Uncle K. He was so handsome as at the time i knew him first. All of a sudden this handsome man begin to depreciate because his kidney was no longer in good shape. Until a friend of mine from the city met with him and recommended; kidney care, detoxin tablet, chinese royal tea and double ginseng. That was my first time I first came in contact with such Health making products. Since that time till now I have used GREEN LIFE products myself and have used them to cure many people’s ailments.
For more information call; +2348030946273, +2347058751337. +2347031924258 Today.
How did you get away with advertising a product on here?
Especially a SCAM supplement!
To right, I always feel if they over sell a product it’s not worth a bean
Flag it
I think that, perhaps, some people also reach adulthood and realize that they sometimes enjoy not having to be social. I’ve noticed that at my job around half of people are introverts to some degree and get their fill of social contact during work hours. So many feel they are expected to be ‘friend-like’ to co-workers and other acquaintances, yet it might not be a good fit. Especially among the jobs that are traditionally individuals working separately to complete a common goal, like programmers and the like. They end up too drained for the maintenance and work of true friendships and so their ‘home time’ is solitary or spent with only their family. Or online…
I have one friend…that’s plenty, thanks.
Having a friend is making a friend. I recall the visit to a doctor I was scheduled to have in another city, four hours away. I did not know the city well enough to feel comfortable getting there on time. I asked one of the guys if he would take me—jokingly. He responded in a humorous tone that he would, so I laughingly accepted. He told his wife to cancel his appointment to his own doctor he had that same afternoon so that he could take me. Know if he were to ask anything of me, I would count it a privilege. We are eternal friends! Real friendship is never at your convenience, but at theirs.
wow, I thought it was just me. Whenever I hear people talk about their friends & doing things with them, I wonder why I don’t have anything beyond work friends, or acquaintances through my children. I have spent the last 5 yrs standing in the back of my church after mass, smiling & nodding hello to people I see every week, yet no one stops to talk to me. They talk to other people, mostly extended family in this small town I’ve moved in to. I truly have wished for a brutally honest person to clue me in as to what puts people off from me. Or have someone film me like the reality shows so I can see what others see…do I unknowingly scowl? slouch? Well, good to know others have felt like I do.
Hi random, I can relate to your situation. I would go out of my way to open the door as people exited the chapel at the end of the service. Of course, everyone was polite. They would smile, thank me and be on their way. I sign up for volunteer activities. Actually it was two volunteer activities. I felt sort of left out in a group of volunteers.
How does that happen?
I figured out that it was not enough to put yourself out there or even participate in the above-mentioned events. Initiate and engage individuals on a different level that says I am interested in knowing you. Greetings and salutations are fine and dandy. However, it was a missed opportunity to have a conversation that could establish a potential friendship.
I started small by giving compliments. Nothing insincere genuine compliments about their hair, outfit, or perhaps something related to a church function and well that person had done. When I set my mind to the task it was not easy at first. I had spent most of the time during services looking for someone I could compliment. That Sunday came and went before I could do what I set out to accomplish. But the following Sunday it was a piece of cake.
You see I had spent the entire week thinking about the people in my congregation. Which helped me understand a little about them, so this may not work for everyone but I thought I would take some time and share my story and my success.
Good Luck to you,
Zettie
thank you
ammey..
I was driving today past a church and I said “I should go see Father so and so, nice guy. But he’ll find out eventually I suck, so nevermind.” It’s not the first time I have cut off any chance of a social life by destroying myself before I even picked out a shirt. So I yelled at myself, “Knock it Off!!”. I scared me. But I listened. I’ll go see him Monday. I need to make up some fake sins. Can’t think of any, let…me…seeeee….
Nope, nothing comes to mi
Oh. Okay. Yes, I remember now.
Lol 🙂
Very thoughtful and perceptive observation on current relations, that many experience at one time or another in their lives!
Thanks bsirius! Appreciate your comment 🙂
There was a study that showed some 25% of adults don’t have a best friend. When I was in my 20’s, I thought that was a horrifying statistic and couldn’t imagine myself ever being in that position. I was the type of person with a lot of acquaintances, but I only a small group of friends. And I never really considered the majority of coworkers as friends b/c it’s not like we all go to work by choice just to hang out lol. Anyway, as the numbers dwindled, interests changed, and a few were cut off for being psychos – eventually we all kinda drifted apart. Now I’ve become one of those adults without a true friend. It doesn’t help that I don’t make time for other people anymore, but I’m just amazed at the arch of my friendships.
True. So true!
Remember, though, many married people consider their spouse to be their “best friend.”
hahahaha gold diggers evrywere
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Very nice post. I feel like I am still there. I moved to UK 5 years ago and I still can’t make friends, i miss mines like hell but here i haven’t found what it needs to be my friend. I know people from my same country but is still not the same and I end pushing them away because I feel unconformable with them. It is a bad thing? I have lost a lot of my confidence. In my home country I could just aproach anyone and even foreigners (english speakers as I could do english) and help them to get to some place or information if they needed it but now… I just can’t, just when I see the faces at the moment I start to talk and the way they are too polite to say “what the hell are you trying to say”…. put me off. *sighs* Thanks for sharing this and wish me luck. (Oh, and it doesn’t help that I got a job where I can work from home lol, lucky me!)
Glad you liked the post! I’m sorry that you’re in such a difficult situation! It’s pretty tough making friends abroad. Have you looked for an expat community in your area? Or a UK version of Meetup? I’m sure there’s a lot of other expats that have the same problem. I’m sure if you put yourself out there, you’ll regain your confidence and you can show people how awesome you truly are!
Making friends as an adult is easier than as a kid. If you know how to hold a conversation and not constantly look at your damn phone, you’ll be good.
Connection is never easy in lives battered by social system based on separation, and TV. In America TV is king if not this, we ( We have no time) If not this, we never related honestly: In my own life, I have seen myself have a friend and realize in ways that person was not seeking friendship but a person to use, or that I played a role that was not kind for me.
We move on!
Best friends, give you honest feedback, support you but are never permissive
Best friends now how to love, and how share.
Best Friends know time for all of us is but blink of an eye! We share life, wisdom, tears, sorrow and a beer? —Time
It is risk and as we get older – we risk no more! Youth is in folly and many at 25 stopped learning and feeling—
Best to seek the inner life, not the Neurotic idea of friendships
“Best to seek the inner life, not the Nuerotic (sic) idea of friendships” says the Zen Buddhist. Hey, when you reach enlightenment give us all a shout, okay? Meanwhile we’ll just mope along and try to seek friendship, and incidentally along the way experience love, humanity, then humility and finally appreciation of the wonder of being human. But when you climb down from that peak of the “inner life” fully enlightened do give us all an epiphany, okay?
Why not both/and instead of either/or? Far too many of us think in binary black & white instead of all the colors of the rainbow.
How is it hard to make friends?…and naked women in the picture for this article relate how? Stupid author apparently thinks (term loosely applied) only women go to the beach.
derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp
Nothing beats convincing a woman I’m only interested in her money, I mean body …. okay …….mind
Making friends is easy. Keeping them is the hard part. They move, follow different lifetracks and priorities, argue/feud with your other friends or even with you, change character over time, get bored/boring etc.
I think that when these days most people use the term friends they actually mean acquaintances..
I tried to make friends on the internet but everyone is gay.
Friends are annoying. They always want me to lend them money or listen to their boring problems.
Maybe you need better friends?…
Stinkorr (and I note your moniker and avatar – a mask no less, as friendly as a sumurai faceplate), you need friends. Yes, friends, but making friends may now be beyond you. Best you look to yourself and take stock of what you see, then try to make “friends”.
Yeti is my friend.
Scrolling through the first twenty or so posts is saddening, if not lewd snark then confessions of the friendless knowing not what to do, testament that our society has lost the most elemental sociability.
Agreed! All conversation today is through a text, phone call or internet. Lol, and here I sit guilty of it writing this. But to think anyone, with the exception of someone with a social anxiety disorder, needs to be instructed on how to have a conversation is with another human is beyond me and better yet, the girl who wrote it thought it’s a problem in society today makes it more strange? Sad?
I don’t think that was the point of that section at all! The whole article is about how to get to the point where you can have a conversation, and honestly I think it is something everyone could pay more attention to, anxiety or not. I know that my life has become ridiculously more full and satisfying since i consciously began pouring my energy into creating as many chances for engagement. Now when i go out i don’t waste my time chasing one person. Instead i focus on making an impression on as many people as possible. I must cross paths w/ at least 100 people each day, and most of them probably slip through my life over and over again. If i can get a bunch of them to remember me in one night, I get to relax a little and enjoy all the fantastic conversations that were not available to me before. Its way more efficient and a lot more fun! +:-)
Gotcha. I didn’t think of it on that much deeper of a level. I thought some people didn’t know how to have meaningful conversations and I attributed it to the society we live in. I value your opinion, something to think about. Not a mean guy but I think I talk to 10 people daily and tune half out cuz its the same stuff, and I’m a lil selfish I guess. Couldn’t imagine 100. God bless you, u must be a patient person
That’s a great mentality Hitch. I bet you make a great impression on a lot of people and make peoples’ day! Thanks for commenting 🙂
But at the same time….we all know that nobody really has their shit together…and we are just supposed to pretend that way.. I don’t think this false self-sufficiency is helping anyone, just kinda gets in the way of being real.. Great discussion!
Yeah, we all know “nobody really has their shit together” but – what are you lookin’ for? Some guru on the mountain top who’s gonna tell ya’ the meaning of life and solve your personal problems? Man is a social animal, and we all need “a little help from my friends”. Yeah, it’s really that simple. The friendless, the loveless, are the most pathetic because they will die alone, unnoticed, unloved, unknown. Your time on this earth is yours to create and live – or neglect and waste.
Copied from another post:
I have some perspective issues with this line. Like instead of saying nobody has their shit together can we say that everyone has a little bit of the answer figured out? Equally true, and much more useful. In fact I’m starting to think the only thing any of us are supposed to do is interact w/ each other, collecting and sharing those pieces to get a more complete picture of the whole thing. We are honeybees, nectar collectors, and we are all collectively torrenting the truth. There’s more but I gotta take a break! +:-)
I agree that joining an interest group helps expand your social network. That’s how I met my post-college friends. 🙂
That and a worship/church group. I also learned to curl (the winter olympic sport) & met lots of people that way.
I actually don’t know much about curling. I live in a tropical country so we don’t have that here, hehe. I think it’s great that you were able to meet lots of people via a church group. 🙂
I agree completely with this. It’s really important to meet new people and it seems really daunting at first. But as part of a new manifesto idea I had, i set a challenge of going to 1 meetup per week to meet new people. It’s a great way to meet people who share your interests!
What kind of meet up?
That’s awesome Christopher! What a great challenge. I hope you enjoy them and meet awesome new people. Thanks for commenting 🙂
I’m weird and not too many are on my wave length, seriously! I talk about science,society, the hood, movies, tv, culture and religion. Sounds simple but around here not a lot of people vibe like that.
Dude, all of those are cool though. You seem to have diverse interests, which is awesome. I have had similar experience where I’m from, with people not wanting to discuss those things.
In a novel I read that people prefer to talk about things that don’t really matter to them, but it didn’t say why.
I usually have to get down on their level to where they feel comfortable. I get bored if I’m not learning or laughing with someone.
It was so much easier as a kid.
“Hey what Pokemon cards have you got?”
Friend-ed !
Haha! So true!
Friendship is not always easy to maintain long term.
If you, or your friend, move away, most of the time, when you try to stay in contact, there is no response. You get sad because you tought that this was a “forever” friendship and you realize that that person wasn’t a real friend.
Lots of people consider friends only as useful individuals.
Sadly I agree and will add on to the already depressing pile… Even people that don’t move away become suddenly “unavailable” and it literally takes a special event for them to pay any attention to those that they have previously spent every free minute with (or even worse, it takes a truly dramatic event in your life for them to take note and make an appearance)… It become such a box ticking exercise, this friendship illusion, that it almost puts you off making new connections
I’ve always considered friends those whom I don’t have to constantly talk to and make sure they’re doing fine. If I’m worried they wouldn’t call me otherwise, then it’s not a great friendship.
I want to be able to go months without talking and then get close again as if nothing happened. Yes it’s a rare thing.
Barbs
I have some good friends like that!
Yes, the Proximity Principle counts for a lot.
I find it encouraging to read people saying that no one really has their shit together. Some are just better at faking it than others.
Relationships are challenging,dealing with people is challenging, but in order to be in relationships with people one has got be able to be flexible and at times compromise, and of course run the risk of being hurt.
It’s a “You can’t live with um and you can’t live without um.” proposition.
So I kind of agree, but I have some perspective issues with this line. Like instead of saying nobody has their shit together can we say that everyone has a little bit of the answer figured out? Equally true, and much more useful. In fact I’m starting to think the only thing any of us are supposed to do is interact w/ each other, collecting and sharing those pieces to get a more complete picture of the whole thing. We are honeybees, nectar collectors, and we are all collectively torrenting the truth. There’s more but I gotta take a break! +:-)
I appreciate your thoughtful reply 🙂
I love this: “We are honeybees, nectar collectors, and we are all collectively torrenting the truth.” Beautiful! Thanks for commenting 🙂
That was so perfect!
Great article. Getting past your fear of people is the first step i think. Being more interested in someone else rather than talking about yourself helps. Being willing to open up and be honest, share some of the not so perfectness of your life in certain settings is attractive. It shows a sense of humility that is endearing
Best response I’ve read so far.
So true Al! It’s all about opening up and being vulnerable. It can be scary but it’s the only way to let people in. Thank you for your thoughtful comment 🙂
I like to wait for the perfect moment for everything, but it is a lonely habit if you know what I mean 🙁 ….
life is not waiting
oloooooooooooooooooooooooo
haiaaaaa
What do you mean by a “friend”? Do “friends” exist? There are many words in our vocabulary that have no “extension” (imaginary words). Some say that “God” is such a word. Others, a subversive (fascist) minority say that “(true) love” is a much overused word…
True Love
True love. Is it normal
is it serious, is it practical?
What does the world get from two people
who exist in a world of their own?
Placed on the same pedestal for no good reason,
drawn randomly from millions but convinced
it had to happen this way – in reward for what?
For nothing.
The light descends from nowhere.
Why on these two and not on others?
Doesn’t this outrage justice? Yes it does.
Doesn’t it disrupt our painstakingly erected principles,
and cast the moral from the peak? Yes on both accounts.
Look at the happy couple.
Couldn’t they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friends’ sake?
Listen to them laughing – its an insult.
The language they use – deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines –
it’s obviously a plot behind the human race’s back!
It’s hard even to guess how far things might go
if people start to follow their example.
What could religion and poetry count on?
What would be remembered? What renounced?
Who’d want to stay within bounds?
True love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in Life’s highest circles.
Perfectly good children are born without its help.
It couldn’t populate the planet in a million years,
it comes along so rarely.
Let the people who never find true love
keep saying that there’s no such thing.
Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.
Wislawa Szymborska
But “friendship”!?!
Such a sad poem, summarised in sadness by those last three lines… Friends should exist and love should exist – they are within the scope of human possibility. But whether or not they do exist is only and always up to people.
To paraphrase La Rochefoucauld:
“True friendship is like the appearance of ghosts: everyone talks about it but few have seen it…”
Yes. I have friends and they want me to be happy but they don’t want to be around when I’m down. I don’t think it should be that way. That’s when you need friends the most 🙁
I had over 100 “friends” on Facebook. Never met most of them and now I’ve dumped FB so I have no friends at all. Well, five. Making new ones isn’t possible at 64. Everybody bores the hell out of me.
I am am complete and total freakazoid! Yet people find me intimidating. People look at my ability to hold my head up and say I have my shit together. The reality is that I’m VERY shy. I seem confident but inside…….im the most lonely guy in the room. You’re not alowed to be that way in this country
Yeah, introversion seems like a plus but it’s frowned upon these days.
Same here. I find a lot of the conversations revolve around making fun of each other, which I think is hurtful for people you barely know. As a result, I find I don’t have much to say.
I’m sure you’re not a freakazoid Sean! Sometimes you just have to let your guard down to let people in. It can be super scary, I understand, but it’s definitely worth the risk!
I deliberately chose to be outgoing some time ago. Being so was not natural and I was amazingly shy in my childhood. I was never good at the dating scene, but was fortunate to meet my wife at work.
The reason I start with these details is that I want you to understand that it did not come natural. So with this context …
I meet people everywhere and startup conversations. Some of these people have become very good friends, and others simply haven’t fit into my life yet, but know me when they see me around. So how did I meet them?
It’s simple: Find something about them that is uniquely theirs and sincerely compliment them. That’s it. So simple. The conversation will begin. Here’s an example:
I was at a local grocery store in the check out line and I saw a woman around 70 years old. I’m 43 so I have little in common with her by default, but I like making friends. As she scanned the items of the customer in front of me I noticed how sad she looked. She looked very tired and completely worn out. I thought I could at least make her smile. As I stood there I noticed easily that she had rings on every finger. Beautiful rings that she had collected over her lifetime.
It was my turn to checkout and I said, “Wow, those rings are so beautiful. Someone must love you an incredible amount to have given you those.”
Her face, drawn by gravity, was swept upwards in a smile as she looked first at her rings and then at me. She said,”My husband and I were married for 50 years…”
The conversation passed in 3 minutes, but she always remembers me at that market. I’d call her a friend and we see each other weekly at the market.
It’s really that simple. Take note of their shined shoes or smile, or finger nails freshly painted. His with or accent .. it doesn’t matter. Notice someone for how incredibly special they are and you will begin a friendship.
So true! People love to talk about themselves (we all do!) and the best
way I’ve found to get to know someone is to ask questions, to ask them
to tell me more about something that they love. And since I’m always
interested in new stories and experiences, I enjoy the talk too.
That’s awesome George! I love that you put in the effort to chat with people at the market and around town. It can be a bit scary to approach new people but just like you said, it can really make someones day! Thanks for commenting 🙂
Or maybe having friends is not quite as important for an adult as it is for a teenager? What if most people around you have noticed that and are acting accordingly and you are simply chasing the past?
Are you really suggesting that friends aren’t important when you’re an adult? Trying to find friends isn’t “chasing the past” – its living your life. If you’re early 30s and happy with just being around your significant other, wait til you’re 60. You’ll regret not having friends.
If you didn’t get what I said, then it’s not really worth my time explaining it to you.
I don’t like people very much, so I deliberately don’t make a lot of friends. The ones I have, I’d die for.
Are you introverted?
Probably. I have developed mechanisms that allow me to interact with others because I have a job that requires it. But I’m very content to never see people other than my family. I never feel a “need” to be around outsiders.
No I kinda understand him and what he is saying. When I was younger I did not have good experiences with other people. My Wife and kids have brought me out of my shell a lot. Before them I always thought that people would hurt me and humiliate me. So I was very very guarded. I had zero friends until I was in College and even then it was a select few.
In my half+ century of earthly toiling,
I’ve no doubt that making as many friends as possible
is the right thing to do,
especially if you’re a social person.
Because, through the years when all’s said and done
you’ll be lucky to have a couple to none,
after the bad have been civilly sorted out
and most of the good ones have all gone Heavenly bound..
Your memoir’s will be literally all you have to behold,
when you’re suddenly left without them…
BEST POST EVER !!!!!!!!!!!
Also going to the gym is an awesome way to meet people, and then becoming the admin of the gym online page, planning events and meeting even more people.
It works! But if it doesn’t we still have Tumblr. Enough outernet for today.
Barbs
Great advice Barbs!
Meetup is pretty cool, especially if you are looking for dive buddies (SCUBA). It is also 100x better than any dating site. You meet people who actually like to do what you do, and they tend to be more open and honest about themselves.
My son met his current GF thru Meetup, & he was just looking for friends in a new town we’d moved to.
Totally agree!
Although I’m still in college, this rings true for me too. Many of my high school friends have moved away and between work and class there isn’t a lot of time to socialize while I’m on campus. However, I’ve found that if you sincerely take an interest in people and allow them to take an interest in you then a rapport is built over time. Sometimes it’s a matter of strengthening the relationships you already have. After all, relationships are probably the most important thing we have in life.
Very true Lauren! I think a lot of people assume that if you don’t click with someone right away, they aren’t going to be a good friend. But some relationships just take time! Thanks for commenting 🙂
social media has absolutely changed everything in social interactions, we are barely realizing the true impact
I just remembered something… a few weeks after graduation from high school somebody asked my about my four “friends”. I said we would keep in touch. I haven’t seen three of them since and one I saw twice during the first three years… and you know what? I didn’t miss any of them whatsoever.
I feel like this article was made for me=) With the few friends I do have, they are either in other states or might as well be. I’m happy I stumbled across this.
Glad you enjoyed it Pit Mom! Hope some of the tips are helpful for you 🙂
well what i have to realize you will only have that one or max two friends from school or childhood who after seeing after long time you would open up about your life, even though their is social media no body keeps in touch reguralery any way, now it is awkward as i work around men an women both and i am naturally extra nice and happy go fella, now since few months i have been getting hints from other female co worker and a guy now one asked me and i had to turn her down i felt so bad we were good mates now we dont talk she feels awkward and i dont want that to happen with others… what to do? i did explain her whole thing but she feels bad an stupid about it
Just say hi and make small talk now and then. It works all right.
well i have tried but it doesn’t fit with me, i tend to be very nice long conv while having a fag break etc, im trying today was interesting with one of my new colleague invited me to dinner with her husband now what should i do take a date? going alone would seem awkward. plus im not even close to this person
Go ahead and try it. If it works and you become better friends, awesome, and if not, well, it just didn’t work, that’s all.
i might let see how it goes about and i will keep things updated
Does your keyboard have a shift key. You can use it to make capital letters.
no one cares about shift key it’s all about the CAPSLOCK no median either FULL ON KEYBOARD WARRIOR or a humble sifu
For me it’s really just about being positive. Ever since I dropped the negative attitude towards people and assuming that they’re uninteresting simply based on their looks or a fleeting first interaction, I’ve been able to garner more friends.
So true Alukina! Some people assume that new people won’t want to be friends with them, but it’s all about keeping up a positive attitude. Good for you!
Great article…
Can’t get your point , my pack’s always getting bigger .. but don’t get me wrong , I’m not trying to do so , it just happens to become like that (:
For very shy, introverted people and people who work a lot, it can be hard to make new friends because it entails talking to strangers. Picky people can have trouble with this too.
GOOD LIKEWISE
thx (:
hi how are you
jo , I#m fine (:
GOOD MORNING
SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF
😀 sry dude , but i don’t know you (:
I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU IF NOT COOL
You also don’t look like you have a job or like you’ve made it through college yet. Making friends as an adult is difficult, something you will only find out about after you become an adult.
You ‘ll be pleasured to hear , that I indeed already worked my ass of , so that i got an excellent job (: At least i was working for the past six years , brate 😉 I am already very much of an adult , but who can tell ? DoesN’t matter anyway , ‘ cause making friends ( and the right ones ) is a god given talent , my biggest talent at all (: You shouldn’t talk me off like that just ’cause of myself beeing handsome 😉
*yawn* Pride cometh before the fall.
😀 ain’t life grand ?!
I need to follow this discussion. I moved to another city ( followed my job) 5 years ago. It has been a tough way to go to try to make friends in a strange city in your 50’s.
Join a Church of your choice. Not too hard making, not only good friends, but Christian friends as well.
I appreciate your advice however I am an agnostic and very turned off with religion.
Sorry to hear that……….I’ll pray for you .
Florence, Save your prayers for me. The way I understand what the bible would have us pray for our leaders. I’m no fan of Obama’s either but your posts about him are full of hate. I’ll bet you pray for him to die instead just praying for him as the bible directs. You’re the kind of ‘Christian’ that drove me away from church.
Fascinating. If you can break it down to one, what experience made you feel this way? How do you personally define religion?
It isn’t any one experience. It is the cumulative result of seeing church people say one thing and do another. Seeing Christians talk about how they love Jesus yet go judge everyone before they even know that individual’s story, for example: if you’re poor, you don’t want to work, if you’re hungry, you’re lazy, etc. They have NO idea 99% of the time as to how people got the way they got yet you hear them shout from the rooftops how unworthy everyone is of any help. Too, I used to go to church and pray yet the other church people never made any effort to make me feel welcome as a transplant from elsewhere. How can I believe in a god that hasn’t blessed me with friends here even though I really busted my butt to make some? How can I believe in a god with followers that are so full of hate? How can I believe in a god who who allows innocent people to suffer and die horrible deaths or deal with multiple health issues such as i deal with? The list goes on and on.
Fascinating. So you base your belief on what you can get out of it? If a god or deity doesn’t bless you then you don’t believe in that god or deity? I want to know more. How do you feel about presidents? If a president is a republican and republicans don’t make you feel welcome, then the president may not exist? Fascinating. Tell me more.
Personally, I believe that if Christians are jerks, that says more about those individuals.
Go to Bingo at your local casino, VFW, American Legion, etc. There you’ll find great friends. Promise.
Thanks can be tough David! You should try Meetup or a similar site. They often have groups for people of specific ages. I’m sure there’s a lot of people in the same boat as you!
Christine, good idea. I see they have a number of different interests. I’ll try that.
awesome post very very informative.
Thanks Eric!
No problem Christine….and a late and happy easter to you and your family.
Very nice Post! This is actually a big problem for some, I just think that “Adult” is a very generic word.
Technically you’re already an adult between 18 and 21 (it depends), and still one until about 60/65 and that’s a HUGE difference. And they all have problems.
The experience that i acquired by watching so many people through this years is that at 20 you just want to fit the mold at any cost, even if you say differently, you want that because you want to date, party and have different and new experiences, but at 33, like me, you’ve already have them. Some have children (that’s the worst), some are married, some were married, so in summary, you had enough experiences, you already know which molds you do fit in and which ones you don’t. Not that you’re old. But you just don’t give a F# about what other people say or think anymore (mostly). Basically you just want True Friends that actually share interests with you. Mothers want to be friends with other mothers, singles with other singles, at this point the world kind of breaks apart into groups (not as bad as high school)
At 60/65 I believe you just want any living breathing friend that is HAPPY and not complaining all the time with depression, pain, tired…someone to push you forward and be happy with.
I just be myself and hope people like it, seeing as im afraid of people half the time I tend to act very weird and shy. The internet is a big role in my social life, meet the people on here, get to know them and then bam in person I seem to have less troubles with them 🙂
Thank you for this. I was struggling with this issue over the weekend. My friends have either moved away or gotten married or are in that part of their relationship where they are always with their SO. I love meetup and need to start looking into more events to attend. Also be less shy lol. Baby steps
I totally feel ya, Astrid. A few of my good friends have gotten married recently and it’s tough when they always want to be with their husbands/wives! That’s awesome that you’ve checked out Meetup, it’s a great way to meet people. But you’re right, it’s all about baby steps! Thanks for commenting 🙂
hi i Ruslan and interestno me how you spend your free time?
Reading, movies, baking, exploring cafes
Hi there Astrid! You look nice and beautiful, it’s hard to believe that is hard for you to make friends, but if you are interested, you can drop me a line. Thank you.
It’s hard to make close friendships cuz I can be very shy at first. But I do have my close group of friends here and there
I myself do have troubles making friends but my humor (didnt know I had honestly but apparently I do other people say) seems to really help. Also if you are very shy it just takes the right person to come along. Im that one person usually everyone can get along with seeing as I am not judgmental and really kind
-PA, EnchantedTV
Different friends for different reasons! Some friends are business friends some are personal, how we meet them in adult life is very different, so its a refreshingly ‘simple’ take on how we approach people that we consider to be a potential friend. A friend in need is a friend…
awesome article
Thanks Sajid! Glad you liked it 🙂
Good job Christine…
As an adult I have found it difficult to form lasting friendships and I am lucky to still be close friends with people I have met in school. I live in a close community so there is always someone to talk to when I pop out but I wouldn’t call them close friends.
i have two good friends since about 15 years and a good friend since about two years.
i have met thousands of people in the last five years living in three different countries.
i feel lucky. most adults are stupid.
is verey verey hoot !
arabic keyboar
“A dog is the only thing that will ever love you more than he loves himself.” ~ Josh Billings
People who play together… well you know the rest of it.
i want to use this opportunity to tell Dr Camara of love temple, that i am very grateful for helping me get back my lover’ after he abandoned me for good six months with pains and tears in my heart. i am Mrs speck from united states. my husband before the break up usually insult and see nothing good in any thing i do, i felt as if i was cursed. my friends advised me to let go but i couldn’t because of the love i have for him. which was so strong and could even move ten mountains in a speed of light. after two days of my contact with Dr Camara my husband came back with apologies and love that he had never show me before. right now he doesn’t insult me any more rather he tells me how pretty and wonderfully made i am by God each morning. (CAMARALOVESPELL@LIVE.COM) one thing i love about Dr Camara , is that he is so accommodating and free.you can still call Dr Camara on his personal line at +2347051705853
Voodoo,witch doctor, has he any shrunken heads in his office?
YCousteau grateful that life came back or waited for you to catch up with the life you were living. I had the world, literally I awoke up daily taking every single second for granted. This isn’t a story about making sure you appreciate the little things. We are humans, we cannot focus on everything and say, “Damn , I’m grateful for that engineer driving that locamotive!)
We take things for granted, we do it because if I heard another person constantly telling me how grateful they are that I’m breathing next to then, I’d lose my Damn mind in 2.3 seconds. Just relax is what I’m saying, that the shit serious you need to take serious, then laugh when life is funny and if you open your mind to laughter, the world is a very funny!
I’ve personally never had a problem making friends but at age 32 I want more. I wanna learn be taught something new or see a point view I’ve never seen before. If anyone is interested following me on Twitter. Johnstud11 I’m sure no one is near my state anyway. Lol
There is an old saying: “If you want a friend, close one eye. If you want to keep your friend, close both eyes.”
Whoa… that’s deep. Thanks, I think I needed to hear that.
I’ve been reflecting on this matter since a week. Also with time you want to make friends for who you are, you stop carring how people see you, if they judge… And so you seek for the right person. Find deep relation with people isn’t always easy, it’s a love story somehow.
HA Gaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!
may be
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Yeah, sit there and take pervy pictures of chicks on the beach. Sure to win you friends!
no way, don’s.
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الجمال جمالك ءن لك من ءنتى
salu toi
Just wrote an article about this here: https://getthefriendsyouwant.com/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult-or-after-college/
I also have a 1 hour-long video on it, which I included in the article.
Cheers!
علم بدونى حب لىس علم
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Phillip Lopate wrote an excellent essay on this…..but the pictures weren’t as good
Await culture, traditions, good things to eat and lots of sunny mornings..
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I struggle to make friends and open up. I was bullied as a kid (this included older students slapping me against the face — I’m a girl—and classmates going against me when I thought they were on my side). I try to show a side of me that is always smiling, but deep inside, I feel afraid that people will get to know me, realize I’m actually weaker than I appear, and possibly hurt me. I am getting better, but what hope is there for people who have been hurt previously and find it really hard to open up?
This helped me so much. First you have to believe you can keep improving. Then you have to decide to do it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFQzXJw4bQM
This is so my life right now. My one regret from our two years living here is that we didn’t really make many friends other than coworkers. Now that we’re preparing to leave, I’m already digging through Meetups in our future city, preparing myself to actually go out there and make friends this time! Being an adult is weird, and not having your tried-and-trues around you is hard.
Volunteering helped me a lot! I pick fruit to donate to food banks with a local harvest club. There’s lot of time for chatting while you’re digging up an onion, so it felt natural. You also already connect about whatever cause you’re there to support!
This is so necessary! I’ve found that I can make a ton of friends via the interwebs (although I can’t hang out with most of those people on a regular basis). Having a blog is handy because you can join local blog groups that usually consist of blog outings and events!
I’ve great at meeting people, especially through mutual friends, but the problem I have is when I feel like we’ve connected and would be good friends, but I don’t know how to take our friendship a step further and ask them to hang out by ourselves and that kind of thing.
Erin | http://beingerin.com
तुम मेरे पास
नही फिर भी
तुम्हारी याद से
मोहब्बत
की है ll
तुम से मिलना
तो एक ख्वाब सा लगता
हैं. मेने तुम्हारे
इंतेज़ार
से मोहब्बत की
है ll
http://www.mahi.net.in
http://www.sonamparihaar.co.in
Very True and Deep.
Thanks for reading, Sameer. 🙂